By Faith... Ang Baylis

2012-01-26T17:51:00.001-05:00

Happy THANKful Thursday!

43- sump pumps going out when we are in town... and before a flood
44- learning how to do a spreadsheet
45- having the money to pay the plumber
46- salisbury steak dinner my sister-in-law cooked
47- having small dinner gatherings so we can really talk
48- dinner with friends
49- being free to spontaneously help at a friend's dental office
50- a nice work schedule
51- baby showers
52- text message pictures
53- having the money to buy airplane tickets
54- old blogging friends stopping by for a visit here
55- those days where I get a lot accomplished
56- those days when I feel I can put an outfit together
57- mild winter days
58- looking down and seeing my mother's hands typing this post
59- a clean bathroom
60- a book about marriage that EVERYBODY should read: The Meaning of Marriage. by Tim Keller.

Do you have your own Thankful Thursday list going?

Niece Maggie #2 :)

2012-01-23T21:38:00.001-05:00

Scripture for Sisters….and nieces.

This is the second week that I am writing about what I read. I am learning so much by writing about what I read and then reading your comments that you leave me. I want to say thank you for reading and commenting on what I write.

Exodus 2:3 But when she could no longer hide him, she got a basket made of papyrus reeds and waterproofed it with tar and pitch. She put the baby in the basket and laid it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile River.

I couldn’t imagine living at a time where we had to sacrifice a life for any reason. We come across very difficult decisions at times and we have to pray and follow what God wants us to do. When I read this it makes me think of my mom. When I was in her womb I got the measles from her. The doctors told her I would be mentally challenged and would have a hole in my spine. They told her the best thing to do was to have an abortion. My mom made the appointment, but the day of the appointment she decided that she could not have the abortion. My mom and dad prayed for the rest of the pregnancy until the day I was born. My mom said I was perfect; the doctors were amazed that there was nothing wrong with me. I know that God sees the effort we make to do the right thing even when it is hard. I am very thankful that my mom and dad decided to give me a chance at life.

Exodus 4:10-12 But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”

I can really relate to Moses in this situation. I am shy and have a very difficult time speaking in front of people if I am not sure what to say as well. I am a nurse and I can think of a time that I had to go speak with a family about their son who was dying. I had to tell the parents that we are not going to be able to keep their son alive because his heart is too weak. I was terrified. I am not even sure what I said. The Holy Spirit took over and spoke for me. What a relief to know that we are not alone.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.

When we are going through a tough time it is hard to stay calm. We think that God is not with us and we have to do everything for ourselves. It is comforting to know that he will fight for us. I am going through a rough time right now. This is a good scripture to memorize when things get tough.

My question for the week?

Exodus 21:12 Anyone who assaults and kills another person must be put to death.

My question is, is there anywhere in the bible where God addresses the military? I know they are trained to kill people for our freedom but my concern is how does God feel about this?

Scriptures for Sisters #3

2012-01-22T21:22:00.000-05:00

There was so much in this week's readings, but these verses got my attention in a fresh way:

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them." (Ex 4:20-21)

These verses are some of the most comforting I know in the whole Bible; and I need to hear them often. Everything happens for a reason and it's never by accident. He is so kind, caring and compassionate.

"But when Pharaoh saw that there was relief, he hardened his heart and would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said." (Ex 8:15)

So often in times of trouble when I get some relief I start believing I don't need God anymore; or worse yet, I don't give God credit and think I had something to do with it. And when I have a "hardened heart" I am not open to hearing what God wants me to hear, and I am prone to wander. I don't obey and life doesn't go smoothly.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Ex 14:14)

The LORD will fight for me and for you! All we need to do is be still. It sounds so simple, yet I forget to just breathe and Believe He has everything under control. His plan is perfect!

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left." (Ex 14:21-22)

If God can divide the Red Sea I think He can handle this... and this... and this... :)

Do you need to soften your heart just a little bit, so God can do huge things in your life?

A Song for Saturday

2012-01-21T10:30:00.002-05:00

Memories for Jen, Liz, Mag & Tim

2012-01-20T08:22:00.003-05:00

My nieces and nephew were young when their mom passed away. Early this morning I woke up thinking about some of the many things I remember that they may have been too young to realize or may have forgotten.

(Clay Crosse was my first concert with Vic.)

-She was a morning person.
-She loved lists.
-She always had a glass of water before water was popular.
-She couldn't eat a sandwich if there were no chips in the house.
-She acted like a short order cook for her kids making them anything they wanted.
-She was at every single event her kids were involved in.
-She was crafty and always had something going.
-I think she "had" to have the crafts because she was nervous not doing something.
-Her house was either a mess or spotless; there was no in-between.
-Her priorities were in the right order and she would rock her kids (or any baby) with the house looking like a tornado just hit.
-She was more like a mom to me than a sister and I would go to her room if I was ever scared and she would protect me.
-She was very artistic.
-She was left-handed.
-She was Spiritual before it was easy and she didn't have the internet.
-She loved music.
-She used playing the piano as therapy.
-She would write letters, especially to resolve conflicts.
-She often wrote thank you notes.
-She was an excellent cook of comfort food.
-She always had her family eat dinner at the kitchen table.
-She always had the best groceries in the house.
-Her laugh.
-The way she teased, but never at the expense of anyone.
-How she set me up to do "singles" chats when I was single.
-How meticulous she was about cleaning.
-Her love for animals and always had cats, hamsters etc.
-She loved the windows open.
-She loved her garden and was proud to show you.
-She loved games like Scrabble and Rummy and was very good at them.
-She loved Sunday family dinners.
-She always made people feel comfortable stopping by and she was always home.
-She was the first to call me, "Ann."
-She loved hanging around the kids at a party more than the adults.
-She took me to my first Christian concert.
-She loved going out for breakfast; I loved to join her.
-She loved going to daily Mass.
-She was very quick to forgive her husband.
-She really knew how to make a home.
-There are many songs I hear that make me think of her.
-She loved wearing sweatshirts.
-She was the one I chose to be the Godmother of my firstborn.
-She enjoyed smoking.
-She loved candles.
-She cleaned houses and was a bus driver & had other jobs I don't remember.
-She didn't live for her job; she lived for her family.
-She would laugh when Mom wanted us to be serious; and we would follow her lead.
-She made cleaning look like fun.
-I think she was a Hippie in her day. She had a waterbed, incense and often wore a bandana.
-She was usually barefoot.
-She never wanted to disappoint Dad.
-She sometimes held a grudge and would forgive but not forget.
-She loved to be silly with her kids and tickle them almost until they cried.
-She was beautiful inside and out and she loved her family.
-She had a beautiful voice and I loved hearing her play the piano and sing.

Whenever I hear the song, "Leaving On a Jet Plane" I think about the early morning when I heard God came to take her home. I also remember how happy I was that she wanted to go alone with me to Frankenmuth (that ended up being her last trip anywhere). I will never forget her telling me that she was honored God was ready to take her, but was disappointed that it was taking so long. She was ready to go. She had planned every detail of her funeral and had a list waiting. I was honored that Fred asked me to do a reading at her funeral Mass. I am so grateful for all of the gifts she gave me in her life and the gift she gave me that when it's my turn to leave this world I will be okay and at Peace.

Vic still lives in each one of her precious children. When I talk with them I feel like I am talking to my sister. I will never forget her or stop talking about her. Please pray for each one of her children and grandchildren who miss her more than words can say. Thank you!

How do you want to be remembered at the end of your life?

Whoa... It's Thursday!

2012-01-19T15:57:00.001-05:00

What an amazing Thursday!

27- beautiful snowflakes falling down and not having to be anywhere
28- a permanent job offer this week in an excellent setting
29- sharing in the excitement of my friend's first granddaughter
30- words of encouragement from readers of this blog
31- knowing someone who has the courage to deal with their stuff in a healthy manner
32- realizing that by getting rid of clothes I actually have more to wear
33- two big garbage bags of clothes that I get to give away
34- the furry boots I got for my birthday last year
35- laughing with my husband
36- house parties
37- finding this video in my inbox about validation
38- having a million reasons to smile
39- time to sit and write this post in the middle of the afternoon
40- finding a song that is perfect for my loved one who is working through her grief
41- remembering... if I didn't go through "that" I wouldn't be here writing this post
42- roses

This short video about validation is worth taking the time to watch. Trust me! What happened in your life this week that made you smile?

Angie
xoxo

the full amount of time necessary

2012-01-17T10:22:00.004-05:00

"taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days." (Gen 50:3)

"...they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father." (Gen 50:10)

Joseph wept and mourned for months. We all need time to work through our grief when we lose someone close to us; and whatever amount of time it takes for each of us is different. It helps to cry and share our feelings.

Lord, I pray for all who are mourning the loss of someone they love. Please help them know they are not alone. Help them feel Your arms wrapped around them. I thank You for being there for me... Through it All. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Scriptures for Sisters... and nieces too! :)

2012-01-16T22:20:00.013-05:00

Hi Everyone,

I would like to introduce you to my niece, Maggie who has decided to read through the Bible with me this year. I told her about how we will do a post every Monday and she e-mailed me her thoughts today. I'm so honored to be reading it with her. She is my sister, Vic's daughter and I just know my sister is smiling down from Heaven tonight as I publish this post. Oh, and I wanted to tell you how grateful I am for the internet. I live in Michigan and Maggie lives in California. God is SO good! ~Angie

Here is what I wrote. Hope you like.

Hello my name is Maggie and this is my first time ever blogging. I’m not the best writer but I am trying new things. I have been reading along with scripture for sisters and I wanted to write what I thought about so far. I do have some questions also as that I was hoping to get answered. Since I missed last week this week will be long because I’m starting at the beginning of Genesis. Here goes…….

Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”

As I sit and think about how great God is it is amazing that he wanted to create us in His image. He wanted us to be like him. I think about the world today and how many people don’t even know Christ. This makes me realize that we need to do a better job at spreading His word so that more people can be like Him. That’s what we were created for.

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Thank you Lord that you knew that it is not right to be alone. I couldn’t imagine my life alone. As I think about this and have been struggling in my relationship I know that I am never truly alone because I have Christ in my life but even Christ knew that we needed an earthly companion.

Genesis 4:6 …..But if you refuse to do what is right watch out. Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.

Sin is knocking at the door all the time, it is our choice how we react to it. I find as I spend more time with the Lord and as my relationship gets stronger with Him, the enemy is closer than ever trying to destroy what I have. We have to learn how to not give in to the enemy. I struggle with this but I am finding the more I fight with it and not give in it the easier it is to control.

My first question?

Genesis 20:4 ….”Lord will you destroy an innocent nation?”…. This is where Abraham lied and told everyone that Sarah was his sister and not his wife because he did not want them to kill him and take her. My question is the bible keeps referring to nations. I think they are referring to families but I am not sure. If they are why do they call them nations?

Genesis 21:6 And Sarah declared, “God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me. Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse a baby? Yet I have given Abraham a son in his old age!”

I love that this made Sarah laugh. What a blessing to have a baby at such an old age. I hope the day I get pregnant I will laugh with God as well.

This is directly out of my study bible and I really like it so I thought I would share it.

Genesis 27:5-10 When Rebekah learned that Isaac was preparing to bless Esau, she quickly devised a plan to trick him into blessing Jacob instead. Although God had already told her that Jacob would become the family leader (25:23), Rebekah took matters into her own hands.

I think that we do this a lot when we are not patient. These verses really stuck out to me this week. I have not been patient in my relationship because I want it to move faster than God wants it to move. God has a great plan for our future and we have to be patient to receive it.

This brings up my next question: Isaac blessed Jacob instead of Esau because Rebekah and Jacob deceived him. Why would God keep that blessing? As we read through Genesis we read about all of the blessings that he gave Jacob and then gave Jacobs son Joseph. Do you think this is because he asked Esau for forgiveness? I know that God is a forgiving God and I am very thankful for that.

Then in Genesis 33:4 we get to see Esau forgive his brother after what he had done to him. I think that as much as the Lord wants us to ask for forgiveness he wants us to forgive others.

Genesis 30:22-24 As we read through these passages we read about how Rachel wanted a baby in her own time. She was not patient and had her servant girl sleep with Jacob to gain a baby. God knows our wants and desires and will bless us we just have to be patient and believe in Him.

Genesis 32:9 Then Jacob prayed…

When Jacob was returning to his family land and saw Esau he was afraid of the outcome. He prayed to God for guidance and strength. I find that when I am in difficult situations or I am angry I have so many other emotions going on that I forget to pray. I have been making a conscious effort this week to control my emotions and pray and ask God what he wants me to do.

Genesis 39:21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love.

I admire the faithfulness of Joseph. Even when he was locked away in prison and in the worst situations he was faithful and tried to make the best out of his situations.

Genesis 45:5 But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.

Genesis 49 While Jacob is in his last days he blesses all of his children. He does this based on their past. God is in total control even when we think that he is not. This makes me look at bad situations and try to get the best out of them.

Each and every day has an effect on our lives so we need to live them the way that God wants us to live them.

My bible also had this that I wanted to share with you. Your faith is like a muscle-it grows with exercise, gaining strength over time.

I told Maggie I like to add a song at the end of my posts and she told me this song got her through the week; it's perfect!

"Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor

I love you and am honored to read and learn with you, Mag. Now let's try to get some answers to your questions.
~Aunt Annie

Scriptures for Sisters #2

2012-01-15T23:01:00.006-05:00

These verses got my attention this week in our readings:

"She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment." (Matt 9:21-22)

I love this reminder that all we really need is Faith. The woman was healed immediately. If you don't already know the story, she had been "subject to bleeding for twelve years." Being a woman I cannot fathom bleeding for that long. She must have been desperate and knew there was Only One who was capable of healing her. And I don't know why, but when I hear Him call her "daughter" it is so very comforting. We all want to feel special.

Have a great week, my beautiful Sisters. Keep Believing God for huge things in your life!
With Love and by Faith,
Angie

2012-01-14T23:27:00.002-05:00

I ran across a great post about marriage. There is no such thing as coincidence! If you want to read it click here. What do you need in a best friend? Think about it; and be that person.

A poem worth remembering...

2012-01-14T09:04:00.005-05:00

A Life Well Lived

Ready or not, some day my Life will end.

There will be no more sunrises, days, hours or minutes.

No more cell phones or calls and mail to be returned.

Every thing I will have collected, be it treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

My wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what I owned or what I was owed.

My grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.

So will my hopes, ambitions, plans, and To Do List: All will expire with me.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important to me, will fade away.

It won't matter where I was born or what side of the tracks have I lived.

It won't matter if I rented, or owned a house or lived on a boat.

It won't matter whether I was clever, beautiful or brilliant.

My gender, skin color, ethnicity will be irrelevant.

So what WILL matter?

What will be the measure of my days,weeks and years passed?

How will my life be valued?

What will matter is not what I bought, but what I have chosen to build.

Not what I received, but what I have shared and given you.

What will matter is not the level of my success, but my significance.

What will matter is not what I learned, but what I have taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate from my example.

What will matter is not my competence, but my integrity and character; my true grit.

What will matter is not how many people I have known,rich or poor,
But how many will feel a lasting loss when I am gone.

What will matter are not my faded memories,
But the memories of those who knew and have loved me.

What will matter is how long I will be remembered, by whom, and for a
kaleidoscope of reasons, like a brilliant rainbow.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It's not a matter of circumstance.

It is one made of choice; one of my own choosing.

And in so doing, I dance and write my name with Destiny.

I Choose to live a life that matters.

By Donna Maris

UPDATE TO OUR READING PLAN:

2012-01-13T08:40:00.001-05:00

Hi, Sisters!

There has been a change of plans for our 2012 reading plan. We will continue to read along with the String of Pearls ladies, although I am going to be reading the NIV version in my Bible. On my blog I will do a Monday post to share what stood out to me the prior week and how I plan to apply His Word to my life.

You can find the reading plan HERE.
You can share daily with Bev and the String of Pearls HERE.

I'm sorry for the confusion. It's not too late for you to jump in and join us!

Have a nice Friday. It appears Winter has returned here in Michigan! I'm ready for some snow! Did I say that? :)

It's Thursday!

2012-01-12T12:11:00.001-05:00

Happy Thankful Thursday!

Okay, so I missed the first Thursday of 2012. I was visiting my family in Wisconsin so I have a good excuse. Sort of. Actually, I better take responsibility. I chose not to because technically I could have done it if I had made it a priority. I was sick. Is that a better excuse? No, I wouldn't buy that one either if I was on the other side of the computer screen. Anyway, it's a New Year so I'm going to start my list and get to 1000 by June. Whew. I hoping that's realistic. Remember, there is no order to my list.

I'm Thankful for:

1- my niece calling to share her life with me
2- technology so I can talk or text in an easy, relaxed fashion
3- my new seating arrangement in our great room; so much more cozy!
4- bunco and cards with my friends
5- a new recipe for chili from Connie
6- the facial Jan gave me for my birthday (a little early)
7- my health so I can get on my elliptical machine
8- so many friends wanting to "do" lunch lately
9- the growth of BAH last year and a good start for this year
10- that a friend who had a scary incident last weekend is okay
11- the time I had with my niece in Chicago last weekend
12- the sound of John's voice as he is excited about his new externship
13- our new vitamix
14- this nice weather in January- 44 degrees yesterday
15- the smell of my new candle from Annette
16- that Apple helped me retrieve my photo library for free when my warranty expired yesterday
17- balanced checkbooks
18- starting a reading plan of the Bible and the anticipation of hearing from God in His Word
19- that I am busy
20- that I can go into my former office in a little while with my head up
21- the words a patient (personal trainer/dancer in NYC) shared with me last week: "It's not about how much you weigh, or if you have a muffin top; it's about how you move across a room with confidence, gracefully and with good posture."
22- that I made Meghan cry happy tears by sending her a surprise
23- that through talking with someone special I was reminded how God comforted me many years ago when I was struggling and taught me that I cannot make a person be my God; that He is the Only One capable of being God- and He is enough.
24- that I feel loved
25- that Lincoln still makes me laugh
26- that I didn't lose one of my favorite pictures of John:

What are you thankful for today? Do you have a gratitude list going? Do you want to do it with me this year? It would be awesome if you joined me!

Scriptures for Sisters #1

2012-01-09T09:10:00.010-05:00

As we begin our first week of Scriptures for Sisters we had a little catching up to do. Just last night my friend, Annette and I decided on our plan to read through the Bible together. (It's not too late for you to join us!) Each week on Monday we are going to share what God has taught us in the previous week of our readings. What do we want to take away from it? How does God's Word help us in our life... today? We will do our best to seek God and be open to what He wants us to learn.

These verses stood out to me this week:

"And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day." (Gen 1:3-5)

God made it very clear in the beginning. It's the difference between night and day (and God made both). The light is good and darkness is bad. It's about opposites. I am either following Jesus or I'm not. I'm either obeying Him or not. I either have faith or I don't. I either trust Him with my life or I don't. I'm either in His Word or I'm not. I either love His people or I don't. I am not just a little pregnant. I'm either pregnant or I'm not. And I have the choice. Today I am making a commitment to spending this year in His Word... and it is good!

"This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, when the LORD God made the earth and the heavens.
Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the LORD God had not sent rain on the earth..." (Gen 2:4-5)

In the beginning of time God had to send the rain to make the plants spring up. He had to send the rain to bring growth. He had to bring tears so we would see the beauty that comes from it. If there was no rain there would be no beautiful flowers. If there was no sadness in our life we wouldn't appreciate the goodness that comes only from Him.

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Gen 3:1)

Let's start right out in week #1 acknowledging Satan (the serpent). He is very crafty and he wants us to doubt. He doesn't want us to trust God with our lives. He wants us to put ourselves in the place of God. He is very real and he is very sneaky. I don't want to talk too much about him because it's not about him; it's about God.

These are the verses that got my attention first thing this morning. It's going to be a lot easier reading a little bit at a time from now on. If you cannot keep up, don't worry, just read what you can and if you get behind start reading the day's reading. If you click on Scriptures for Sisters you will find our plan. If you are reading and want to share anything that stood out to you but you don't have a blog, feel free to comment here. I'd love to hear what God is teaching you.

Have a great week!
By faith,
Angie

Your personal invitation to join us in reading.

2012-01-08T20:24:00.010-05:00

A beautiful group of women on String of Pearls are reading through the Bible again this year. I so wanted to join them but honestly, I need the NIV version instead of the version they chose. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but it's easier for me to understand. When I read the NIV with them a few years ago it was life-changing!

A dear friend of mine who I met here on my blog has agreed to read along with me. Annette, I can't thank you enough. If anyone reading this blog would like to join us, we would be honored. Just click here on what we are calling, "Scriptures for Sisters" and it will show you exactly where to read in your Bible. You can click on the day's readings on your computer or in your own Bible. I am going to read my own so I can underline what stands out to me. I'm a little old-fashioned and enjoy turning the pages. It's super easy. If you have any questions feel free to ask me.

Every single Monday we are going to do a post on our blogs to talk about what we feel God wants to teach us through the readings. We want to apply God's Word to our daily life.

I'm praying for an open heart and mind to fully understand and hear His voice.
Word of God Speak to me and my Sisters in 2012. I'm SO excited!

the first of 2012

2012-01-01T22:37:00.009-05:00

Happy 2012!

This year I hope to grow stronger in my faith; focus on what is truly important when it's all said and done; improve on my goal of making it NOT about me, while counting the ways He loves me.

I'm Believing God,
Angie

Especially Grateful

2011-12-29T13:54:00.013-05:00

Since it's the last Thursday of 2011 I thought I'd summarize what I'm most thankful for this year.

I am most Grateful for:

My husband and his hard work to support us this year and the confidence he gained as "sole bread winner."
The birth of Angie's Temporary Dental Hygiene Service and all of the dentists who hired me.
That I had the courage to stand up for myself at the hearing for my unemployment.
That although I "won" my case, I still didn't qualify for it. (It was for my good!)
That my position was eliminated so I was free to be with Dave until the end.
For the three months we had to say goodbye.
For all of the lessons God taught me through the loss of my job and the loss of my brother.
That God counts and catches our tears and holds us close.
For the closeness of my siblings and all of the time we spent together.
For the extra Grace God gave me for some difficult people as well as the ability to forgive.
For the wrinkles that I'm slowly learning to accept.
Our health.
For my faithful friends who loved and supported me with unending kindness.
That the little skin cancer was so very minor.
That I learned to more fully appreciate every single day as a gift this year.
That I know in the depth of my soul that God is still good and I'm not mad at Him for anything.
For the dream I had over at Dave's that is still crystal clear after all this time.
For my sister holding me accountable to do these Thankful Thursday posts so I won't forget to have gratitude and to be intentional about looking for the gifts God gives me.
For all of the people God put in my path this year for a reason.
That my kids are both doing so well and still love me.
That we didn't get the lake house we thought we wanted.
For trips to Florida, North Carolina and Northern Michigan.
For celebrating 10 years with Lincoln and loving him more today than 10 years ago.
For the healing & restoration in a marriage of a close family member.
My cousins and their loving kindness.
For the birth of babies.
That Dave is with Vic, Dad and Mom and the knowledge that they are all with Jesus.
Singing songs of Worship that night with Pattie, Andrea, Chris, Stacey, Naze, Goose and Patricia over Dave's body right after God took Him Home. It was beautiful.
God's Word and my desire to spend more time with Him in 2012.

With Much Love, Peace and Joy,
Angie xoxo

My favorite song of 2011
"I'll Fly Away" by Jars of Clay

2011-12-21T20:36:00.001-05:00

Another month after post, but this time for Dave.

2011-12-20T21:59:00.001-05:00

I can't believe tomorrow it will be a month since my brother, Dave passed away. In some ways it seems like it went fast, and in other ways it seems like it was a long time ago. A month ago I was begging God to take him out of pain, but it didn't hit me until recently that the only way for the pain to stop was for us to lose him. It seemed like two totally different things.

It's weird having lost two of my siblings and both of my parents. I notice I keep doing this counting thing. When we have a gathering I'm trying to keep track of who should and shouldn't be here... or who is or isn't alive. We were planning on celebrating Christmas at Naze's house, but she asked if I would mind hosting it. I wanted to have it at our house, but her house was more centrally located so we were going to keep it close for the boys and their families. Anyway, I'm glad to have it at my house, but am having a difficult time figuring out who will be here.

We are all okay, but each seem to have our moments and at different times. I was in church this past Sunday and out of nowhere I about lost it. I heard a song being played that I had never heard before and it was beautiful. I keep thinking about Dave, and how he felt sorry for us that we had to lose him.

Lately I've been thinking (almost obsessing) about Stephen Covey's book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I keep focusing on Habit #2 which says to "Begin with the end in mind." It's almost pathetic. Whenever I am with people I feel like it could be the last time I see them. If you told me a year ago that Dave would not be coming to our house for Christmas I wouldn't have believed you. A couple of years ago Mom was still here too... and I have pictures to prove it! Anyway, it's just weird.

My friends and family have given me so much comfort with meals, cards and messages. You learn who your real friends are at times like these. Their thoughtfulness continues to overwhelm me.

I'm trying to deal with all of this in a healthy manner. I don't want it to, as a friend put it, come out sideways. I don't want to stuff these feelings because I believe stress is not good for us and causes illness. I've been dumping my thoughts out on this blog for years now. I truly believe God was preparing me. I still trust His will. I know that I know that I know that He still has my best interests in mind and that He is with us every step of the way in this life. Satan keeps working on me to get me to question God and to believe I'm not a kid anymore and that I should be able to handle losing my brother better.

Anyway, it's all good a month later. Let's all do more than go through the motions this Christmas. Let's celebrate the Father of compassion and the God of ALL comfort!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," (2 Cor 1:3)

2011-12-19T00:20:00.008-05:00

"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31)

Lord, please reveal Yourself to my precious sisters. Give them the kind of comfort that comes only from You. Wrap Your arms around them and hold them close. Thank You so much. Please help me get out of myself and give me eyes to see others who may be hurting as well. Lord, I pray for anyone who might stumble upon this blog who might be feeling lonely and sad. My heart is heavy for all of the people who are just "going through the motions" this holiday season.

xoxo

2011-12-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite version of The Lord's Prayer by Johnny Mathis. His Christmas album was my very first and still one of my favorites today! Have a great weekend!

Much love,

Too many to count, really.

2011-12-15T23:57:00.005-05:00

Because I have about 15 minutes left of Thursday, I thought I better add a few things I'm thankful for this evening:

~An awesome staff at Baylis Animal Hospital and the nice Christmas dinner in town.
~The invitation to a Christmas luncheon with an office where I have been subbing and a nice gift...Who would have thought?!
~Birthday breakfast for a good friend of mine.
~Dinner with Jenny last night to celebrate her 27th birthday and our special time together.
~Running into a friend in The Dollar Store last weekend and her idea for Christmas Eve.
~All of the wonderful Christmas cards coming in the mail.
~The message from my cousin, Susan.
~Christmas shopping in my new ride. :)
~Bunco with my friends the other night.
~Making plans to bake Christmas cookies with Aunt Eveline and her sweet messages on my answering machine.
~Having a nice warm house on this windy night.
~Feeling God's Peace when I could be stressed out getting ready for Christmas.
~The guy who is snoring next to me.

xoxo

Mom's Christmas Card

2011-12-12T09:07:00.007-05:00

Lincoln and I had the best Sunday! We put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house. He was more helpful this year than any year I can remember. :) To you this is probably just another tree, but to us each ornament has a memory attached to it. I'm cherishing them more this year than ever.

I came across this card from my mom. When she gave it to me I had no idea how much it would mean to me today. I love technology, but I love a written note more. I loved seeing her handwriting. My mother wasn't a card giver so this one was extra special. It was so unique, just like her.

Mom grew up Catholic, so Mary was very important to her. She prayed to her so often. She respected Mary and really all that surrounds what it means to be a loving, nurturing mother. I hope Mary was one of the first people Mom got to see that day she went home.

2011-12-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

On Friday...

2011-12-09T10:46:00.010-05:00

Since my sister texted me that she is bummed that there was no "Thankful Thursday" yesterday I took it as a nudge from The Holy Spirit to write this post. You'll have to be patient here and read til the end to learn just what it is I am thankful for this day. You will notice something else, unless this is your first stop at my blog. When I share something that I'm a little unsure if I feel comfortable sharing or feel extremely vulnerable I will either quickly delete it or immediately follow it up with another post, picture or song. So, there you have it.

I'm almost fifty years old and am still wrestling with some stuff that would have probably been better to deal with when I was about twelve. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I think most of us women are going through life stuck at 12 years old. I have a soft place in my heart for girls that age. I don't know why (and it doesn't matter) God made me different. Growing up I had perfect attendance. I didn't smoke and I basically always thought it was important to follow the rules. With that came a lot of teasing, but there was also a lot of loneliness and a feeling that I wasn't very loved.

Recently I heard a comment that I haven't been able to shake. I heard with my own ears that indeed somebody who was supposed to love me really never liked me. Maybe it's true; maybe it's not. If it's not true, that's a pretty cruel rumor. It's weird how I have replayed that comment over and over again... in disbelief. Nobody wants to think somebody doesn't like them. Maybe you don't mind and frankly, I wish I was one who could blow comments like that off. I am also over-analytical and I wondered why they didn't like me. Was it that I didn't smoke? If so, if I started smoking would they like me more? Would anyone really stoop to that level? I'm not going to do that. Most of this mad thinking goes on in the middle of the night. See what I mean about being vulnerable? During the day I don't care but at night it's huge. So where do I go from here? For me (and I suggest you as well), I went straight to the truth.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)

I am thankful for a few things:
1). I am thankful that I realize it's okay to be who God made me. I don't have to be someone else just to fit in. There is Only One who matters and I'm confident that I'm loved by Him, who was rejected by many.
2). I can learn to have more compassion for others who may feel the same.
3). I'm thankful that I know full well Satan wants me to believe His lies, but I trust God's Word.

I have so much more to be thankful for this week. This was in my backyard. :)

maybe?

2011-12-05T10:44:00.009-05:00

Did you ever notice that when you are going through the grieving process a lot of old issues seem to pop up? Maybe old losses that were never fully dealt with properly... not even having to do with the current situation? It seems that's the case with me. I want to quickly deal with it, but the old stuff comes up and I start believing Satan's lies.

I desperately needed a Word this morning and was bound and determined not to go to a friend for comfort, but to Him. I went straight to the Psalms and found this written on the side of Psalm 78 by Barbara Johnson:

"Sometimes allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do. And the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart, and let it bleed. But it is the only way to cleanse your wounds and prepare them for healing. God will take care of the rest."

Maybe these are the Words you and I both needed to hear today?
xoxo

Thankful for what I needed most...

2011-12-01T13:18:00.007-05:00

It's Thursday and I am THANKFUL for so many people listed below (and those I didn't mention) who gave us so much love, support and many prayers these past few months. The comments they left on FB last week were a gift. God hand picked all of them to show their concern. I hope He Blesses them for Blessing me and my family!

The Funeral Mass for Dave was Wednesday, November 23rd 11:00am with visitation at 10:00am. St. John's Catholic Church in Fenton. ♥ Thank You, God for taking my brother home.

Hewitt J. -So sorry for your loss, Angie. God Bless you.
Jon P. -Thanks Angela for the info thoughts and prayers for the whole family
Janet W. -Prayers from our house to yours...may you find solace knowing that your brother is finally at peace.
Yolanda R. -I am sorry, praying for comfort.
Lindsay B. -Angie, we are so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers...
Thomas P. -Our prayers are with you and your family, it's never easy saying good bye to someone you love.
Carly Ann ♥
Elizabeth O. -Sorry Angie..so sad...prayers will continue, for you and yours.
Mark E. -It is time for all to rest now. Dave had a room room prepared for him by our Lord. God Bless his family.
Nancy L. -Angie, I'm SO sorry for your loss. He is no longer suffering and in a much better place. My prayers to you and your family.
Sherri S. -So sorry for your loss Angie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxo
Michelle S. -So sorry Angie....I do agree he is in a better place! Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love ya!!! XOXO
Julie G. -Sorry about your brother Angie.
Lauren B.-so sorry to hear about your loss Angie. I know you loved him so much! xo
Diane L. S. -Oh Angie, I am so sorry to hear this news about Dave's homegoing. I have prayed for him! My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family now!
Nancy M. -Praying for you Angie, during this tough time!
Mike F. -So, so sorry Annie.
Chas P. -So sorry Angie:( Thinking of you.
Becky S. -So sorry to hear about Dave.....will be praying for you and your family.
Sharon V. -Angie, our deepest sympathy to you and your family.I'm sure he gave it his all and all you wanted for him is to be pain free and peaceful. Prayers are still coming your way. Will be leaving for Vegas tomorrow for Thanksgiving, but you will certainly be in my thoughts on Wed. Love you.
Jill G. N. -Sorry for your loss and my deepest sympathy for you and your entire family during this very difficult time.
Arthur B. -I am so sorry to hear of this. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Kathie V. C. -Oh, I am very saddened to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. He is in very good hands now and no more suffering, but will truly be missed by the ones that are left behind.
Kathie V. C. ‎"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
Gail B. -I'm so sorry for your loss, Angie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Mary Lou -Praying for His arms to hold all of you close and to comfort you and wipe away your tears, with His gentle hands.
Tonja T. O. Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family.
Lorna C. Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother ... my heart is aching for you. May your memories of loving moments together with Dave give you peace and comfort. Lorna & Paul
Diane M. -So sorry Angie, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you
Laura K. -Angie, I am so sorry for your loss of your brother, you are in my prayers during this difficult time, God Bless.
Marcie G. -So sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Paula N. -So sorry Angie. May God give you and your family peace as you mourn. We love you and will continue to pray for God's comfort on you and the family.
Meg S. -Dear Angie - peace and wholeness for Dave....sadness and loss for you and your family....sending you so much love.
Cynthia W. -So sorry for your loss. Holding you close.
Peggy S. -Angie, you have been such a strong and supportive sister through this. May God give you and your family the strength you need to get through these next tough days. My prayers go out to you,
Marianne P. -So sorry Annie...hugs to you and all your family. May Godspeed your Brother to Eternal Peace ♥
Luanne Z. -so sorry to hear of your loss. God bless you and your family.
Karen J. -Angie-so sorry for your loss; special prayers tonight for you and your family.
Trisha K. -My thoughts are with you and your family.
Katie J. -Thinking of you and your family, Angie! xoxo
Susie B. ♥ ♥
Janet H. -We will keep you in our prayers, Ang. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Delbert M. -I'm very sorry Angie, My prayers for you and yours.
Matt K. -So sorry for your loss Angie.
Linda M. -We are praying for a blessed homecoming celebration tomorrow for Dave!! Heaven is a place we all want to go to!! Dave just got to get there sooner!! Haleluiah!!:/) love you Angie! Ken and Lindaxoxo
Annette H. -Ang...our song...always loved it....such comfort at my father's funeral...comfort, peace and love to you sweet Sister!
Karen M. -I believe!
Timothy P. ‎... be blessed, thank you Angie... I can imagine, Thank You Lord!
Annette G. -Your heart can hold on to this memory today. Your family's Thanksgiving meal early I will always remember. Bittersweet day but your heart still sings His praise! Love this song.
Melissa C. -Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother passing. I'm thinking of you and your family. Many prayers and hugs sent your way.
Jenny Lynn -Thinking of you today. Happy Thanksgiving ♥
Janice P. So much to loose, and so much gained.
Donna C. -Very beautiful Angie. You were so lucky to have him as your brother and friend. Forgiveness is empowering, God wants us all to do that. Love you my friend :)
Karen M.keep on! Your words and memories are beautiful. Love you!
Annette G. -Beautiful heart. Must run in your family...Hugs and love, A
Rosemary M. -Angie, I was so sorry to hear about your brother. Your words are a beautiful tribute the the wonderful man he must have been. Take comfort in knowing he is home. Love, Rosie
Meg S. - Beautiful tribute, Ang. Thank you for sharing.
Mary L. -Thanks Annie for putting in words just what I had in my heart! I love you sissy! Goose
Hewitt J. Wow. What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. My only wish is that when I'm gone there will be someone who will think as highly of me as you did of your brother. God Bless You, Angie. Thanks for such loving words. XO
Matt K. -Well said.
Andy K. -Very Good..I Don't think any of his family or friends are there yet, either...
Barbara B. -You drew a beautiful portrait of David. He was all of what you wrote. We have and always will keep David and the family close to our hearts.
Susan A. -Angie, Thanks for sharing your thoughts put into words. Beautiful.
Sheila J. -Absolutely beautiful Angie!
Gail B. -Angie, you are a beautiful person and your brother was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am sure Dave is smiling on you from Heaven.
Kristin Mary -Praying for you and your family this week. Hope you feel the love and support of friends and family this weekend.
Sarah V. -Sending prayers your way...xo
Herman F. -Angie. I just read that Dave is no longer with us.In the 41 years i have known Dave,he has always been a wonderful person to have as a friend.My heart is sad that he is gone. I am also happy that God gave me the gift of our friendship. I will be praying for your family as you go through this difficult time.
Dale T. -Very sorry to hear about your brother, Angie. Just rejoice that he is with our heavenly father.
Lisa G. -Dear Angie & Lincoln, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved brother, Dave. I know you will take solace in the fact that his suffering is over. And you will always have the wonderful memories with him! Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love, Lisa
Louise B. -Angie, I'm so sorry to hear about your family's loss. Losing a brother is something that you'll never quite get over, but knowing he's in a better place makes it a bit more bearable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xoxo
Marisa S. -Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers. XO
Jan J, -Life seemed easier on the corner of East and High...I'd gladly go back, today. xo
Teresa V. -Love and prayers Angie, so sorry to hear.
Andrea S. -I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing. Sending our condolences and a hug. ♥
Mark S. -Angie, So sorry to hear about your brother Dave. Our prayers continue to be with you and your family.
Gayle W. -Angie so sorry for your loss.... I will pray for you and your family at this time... but all i can say is i was happy when my Parents were finally at peace and in no more pain...God will take care of him and he will watch over you and your family ...
Kathy Y. -Angie - I'm so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...
Gloria P. -Angela, so sorry to have missed the memorial service but I was with all of you in spirit and prayer. All of the Karnowski children are very special to me and my love goes out to you at this very diffficult time.
John C. -Many many comforting words.

A dear friend of mine sent me a card. The words are truth to me...

In this time of sadness...
may you see God in the faces of friends,
hear Him in their voices,
feel Him in the touch of their hands...
May their help, caring and sympathy reflect His love and kindness
at this time when you need Him most.

Thank You, Lord for all of my friends and family!
xoxo

David Brian Karnowski (Mar 16, 1959-Nov 21, 2011)

2011-11-27T14:27:00.028-05:00

Although it was nice having Dave's funeral short and sweet (like he wanted it) I missed the Rosary the night before. I especially missed the time afterwards when people would have been invited to share their stories about Dave. Nobody had a chance to talk about how he touched their lives. I'm sure I would have been a blubbering idiot and it would have been ugly, but I would have loved to have the opportunity to say a few things.

When you grow up in a family like ours where our parents had 7 kids in a little over 10 years you can't help but become close. The bond we have is hard to explain. Anyway long story short, I'm going to share a few words about my brother.

The first two words that come to mind are WORK ETHIC. When Dave did anything he did it to the best of his ability and never settled for anything less than perfection. There was no such thing as half- a**. You should have seen how he cut grass. I think he invented diagonal lawn mowing. His amazing work ethic started way before he was old enough to mow the lawn. We have home videos (somewhere that I cannot seem to locate) with him scrubbing dishes. He worked harder than anyone in the family and he did it with a smile on his face. His smile. If you knew Dave, you know what I'm talking about. He had the best smile and wasn't afraid to show it often.

Dave laid his life down for his family. When he was a senior in high school he learned he was going to be a dad. He had letters from colleges asking him to play sports. He was such a great athlete and I was so proud to watch him. He played baseball, football and wrestled. He could have made other choices but did the right thing by being the best dad possible. I admired him so much!

Family was everything to Dave. He was a great son to both Mom and Dad. He went above and beyond in every way when it came to honoring them. He was a lot like our dad. He had a gentle quiet way about him. He never dominated conversations. Even though Mom could be a little hard to be around after Dad passed away, he would drive over to spend time with her every Sunday. He was so generous and would give you the shirt off his back.

When Dave learned his life would be shortened we asked if he wanted to do anything special, like take a trip. All he cared about doing was spending time with Pattie, his kids and his grandchildren. I had the privilege of taking him to see his newest granddaughter, Evelyn about a month ago. He slept the entire way there and back but rallied for the kids. Dave had the best relationship with his ex-wife, Connie, the mother of his kids. Josh and Randy were his first priority and nothing was going to change it. He taught me how important it is to forgive my ex-husband and that it's the best gift I can give my own children.

Dave was one of the most sensitive, caring and compassionate people I know. He felt terrible when he thought he may have hurt my feelings a couple of weeks ago. He finally told me he hated chicken after I had made him many different meals with it. Naze told me a story recently where Dave was going to take the blame when she got in a driving accident before she had her license. That's the kind of brother he was. He took the blame for a lot of stuff that he didn't do, just to keep Peace.

For some reason I don't have very many pictures of me with Dave. I'm going to have to remember him in my heart. I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of his voice. I have a message on my answering machine right now that I can't bring myself to delete.

When I think about Dave I will always see him as I did as a little girl. I thought he was so cool. Everybody loved him. I looked up to him and always wanted his approval. When I was sitting beside his hospital bed in those last weeks I opened his Bible and a card fell out. It had the words of 1 Cor 13 on it. They spoke of Dave.

Dave was patient, Dave was kind. Dave did not envy, he did not boast, he was not proud. He did not dishonor others, he was not self-seeking, he was not easily angered, he kept no record of wrongs. Dave did not delight in evil but rejoiced with the truth. Dave always protected, always trusted, always hoped, always persevered. Dave did not fail and he never quit.

Dave knew how to love well.

I have absolutely no doubt that my brother is in Heaven with Mom, Dad, Vic and everybody else he loved. It's comforting to know they paved the way and will be waiting for me when it's my turn. It was only appropriate to celebrate Dave's life the day before Thanksgiving. I will always be thankful that he touched my life.
xoxo

2011-11-22T14:53:00.000-05:00

Not just another Thankful Thursday.

2011-11-17T10:47:00.001-05:00

It's Thursday and I need to be intentional about gratitude. We are at my brother's side around the clock waiting on God's timing and the hours pass slowly. I'm going to ask my little sister to help me do this list in utter silence so here we go...

We are thankful for the many text messages, calls and emails from people who love us and are with us in Spirit.
We are thankful for Gods grace and his gentle reminders to simply be quiet.
For the words "I love you".
The sensitivity of my children to not only accept my spending time away from them but to encourage me with complete loving spirit,
For Pattie's sister coming over last night to help settle her down.
For our spouses who love us enough to realize that we are siblings sticking together when it really counts.
For eggs... Scrambled eggs.
For a hospice nurse that loves her job!
For Deacon Ron who came over last night to give Dave his final rights and for asking Bek if she wanted to make her first communion (which she will remember for the rest of her life!).
For memories of Dave taking Zack on the riding lawn mower!
For God giving us the Extra Grace Required during these very difficult days.
For pain medications.
For Chris's loving compassion and not wanting to dessert us when he had to get back to work yesterday.
That our parents taught us to always stick together! They are proudly smiling in heaven right now!
For Dave's smile even in these last days.
For costco's sea salt, chocolate carmel bark stuff & Annie for buying it!
For the girl sitting next to me letting me use her pillow last night.
And the one at work who gave me hers!
That although most of us have colds right now, we will get better!
For the vivid memory of dads transition from this world that comforts me of what is coming soon for Dave.
For Facebook and the Internet where we all visit when we are crawling out of our skin.
For the greatest friends, who are always there for us.
For Jan's long loving texts and for Karen's texts telling me the whole staff is praying for us and for the Scripture verses that are so comforting.
For the religion we were born into and the familiar prayers that we know by heart and come to us when we need them most.
For our sisters words to Dave, that we will always take care of his kids and grand kids and that we will keep the memories of him alive forever!
That Andrea is coming back today.
Nurse Kim from Hospice.
Amen!
That most of the pictures on the wall that Pattie has painted are "Two" of everything, reminding me to remember that she is losing her best friend, so I need to be more compassionate and understanding when she lashes out.
For my husband, who just texted me telling he loves me, he misses me and is praying for me.

To be continued...

ready to go home

2011-11-15T08:49:00.002-05:00

It's getting close now. I think Dave is Ready To Go Home.

If you read this will you please whisper a prayer for Dave that he can relax, surrender and feel God's arms wrapped tightly around him and for Pattie and the rest of us? Thank you.

Can we talk?

2011-11-13T23:06:00.010-05:00

When I die I Hope to go to Heaven. I'm reading Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven and he reminded me that there is a narrow opening and that not everyone will go there. I can't remember the Scripture verses to back it up right now, but it scared me. I loved how he put it that we don't lose our loved ones when they die, we just lose contact with them until we are reunited with them.

I know one thing for sure. When I meet God face to face we are going to have a talk. A real talk. I can't wait for Him to reveal why my sister, Dad and now my brother have to endure so much pain. For some reason Dave looks worse than my dad and sister ever did and it's just not fair.

I know God's timing is perfect and He is not surprised by any of this. I know He has something huge waiting for him on the other side. I'd give anything to see the look on his face when he is completely out of pain, there are no more tears and he is hugging our loved ones. I'm glad to be reading the book about Heaven because I really have no idea how it works. I've never studied Heaven and I'm not sure I've ever had a real conversation with anyone regarding exactly what it will be like... in detail. I know bits and pieces from what I've read in the Bible but I don't have a clear understanding. After losing contact with so many family members I'm suddenly a lot more interested. Will Dave be rewarded more for having to go through so much pain?? I sure hope so.

Tonight as I write this post I'm just plain mad. I don't understand it. Watching his boys, his grandchildren, his wife and step-children, brother and sisters grieve for him is too much. It rips out my heart. I want to tell him how great Heaven is going to be and that I'm excited for him that God knows him by name and is calling him home, but I can't get those words out. He loves his kids and grandchildren more than any dad I've ever seen. Isn't he going to miss them like crazy? I cannot imagine never seeing my kids again. I tell him how great he is doing and that I'm so proud to be his sister. He is fighting the fight like no other. He tries so hard to wake up to focus on whoever comes to visit. He is so medicated, but it's obvious that he is still in pain. Every time I leave I swear I'm not going back because I can't take it anymore. Then something in me longs to go back just one more time.

I'm glad Mom isn't here to experience Dave's suffering. I'm sorry if I gave you too much information or if you don't think I should be so mad at a God so loving. I love Him but I'm looking forward to some answers...thankyouverymuch!

I love you Lord, and I'd appreciate you coming soon.
xoxo

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

‎

"loving presence"

2011-11-10T23:44:00.006-05:00

I need to share this song with you today. A good friend sent me the nicest email this week. I am so thankful for friends who are compassionate and will pray and tell me that if he were in Dave's shoes... " I would want to spare my sisters the experience of my suffering. But what I would really deeply desire is just their loving presence. I'd realize that there is little you can do or little that you can say. But your loving presence would say it all." I'm so thankful I'm able to spend so much time with him and comforted by the fact that this friend is probably right.

Shephard us, Lord, beyond our wants, beyond our fears from death unto life.

I'll soon find out... ;)

2011-10-30T21:38:00.004-04:00

All of this technology is giving me a headache. I think I'll read a book for awhile. I have a feeling reality will be a lot more peaceful and relaxing. I'll be back on Thursday with a whole list of Blessings.

Please, Lord... Make me a channel of Your Peace.

2011-10-27T22:16:00.007-04:00

It's Thursday so I'm going to add to my gratitude list tonight. Let's see...

~Lincoln was able to retrieve my gold cross charm that fell down the drain last night (HUGE).
~Pumpkin candles.
~Last night's cooking class given by an awesome chef that motivated me to want to cook!
~Some new cooking accessories.
~Last weekend's fun celebration.
~Goose (my sister) trying her best to help my brother and giving us a break.
~EGR = Extra Grace Required and Forgiveness for hurtful words.
~My interview today. It sounds too good to be true. I'm cautiously excited.
~Dave's meds adjusted again to help better control his pain.
~Outdoor space heaters.
~Chilly crisp Fall days. My car said 38 degrees a little while ago.
~Gas fireplaces.
~Trustworthy friends helping me with the BAH marketing.
~Clean sheets.
~The Holy Spirit finally getting me to the gym today.
~Being okay with the fact that I was the weakest girl there.
~Hearing my sister, Naze excited about her new job! This is huge as well. She SO deserves it! (Wish Mom was here to share.)
~My brother's old friends writing me to tell me they love him and expressing their concern.
~My clean oven.
~Thank you notes in the snail mail.
~That I still feel like I'm 18 when I'm almost 50. Being surprised when asked when I will retire.
~My life. :)

No better example.

2011-10-24T09:16:00.002-04:00

Chris and Stacey will have been married 25 years tomorrow. I have learned so much in my own marriage (and failed marriage) but they have taught me more through theirs. They have been married the longest of any of my siblings. I am honored to have shared those 25 years with them. The lives they have touched are countless. They are two of the most generous people I know. So far they have produced 3 children, one grandson and many many foster children. I don't even know how many people they have brought into the family of believers in God by their example. Their home has an "Open Door Policy" welcoming anyone and everyone. Satan has tried his hardest to destroy their marriage but I can tell you that he hasn't won yet and I don't believe he ever will.

Dear God, You knew what You were doing 25 years ago by bringing Stacey into our family. I consider her one of my best friends. Thank you for showing me another miracle when I look at the picture of my beautiful brother and his wife smiling again. It makes me love You more and makes me want to keep Believing You. Keep protecting their marriage and showing them that their marriage is their testimony, that You can be trusted and that all things are possible when they put You #1. Help them to look at each other the way they did 25 years ago, and to be kind to each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Once Upon a Time...

2011-10-23T22:31:00.002-04:00

This picture is so blog worthy. Unfortunately I am too tired to write it tonight. Trust me. It will be worth coming back.

(...to be continued)

Bringing Back Thankful Thursday

2011-10-20T23:40:00.011-04:00

"I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." (Psalm 9:1)

I never tire of giving thanks for the little things and the things I once thought impossible.

I'm Thankful for:

A lot of time spent with Dave... and Pattie... not thinking about tomorrow.
Finally burying Mom's ashes next to Dad and Vic this past Monday.
Closing one box before opening another.
Going to weekday Mass like I used to go to with Vic and those precious memories.
Lunch at a Polish restaurant with my three sisters in Bay City.
$6.99 Buffet for the best lunch.
Dave finally telling me that he hates chicken (after I made him MANY meals with it recently).
The hug he gave me when he thought it hurt my feelings when he told me.
Dilaudid (a medication stronger than Morphine) liquid administered Sub Q every 15 minutes.
Seeing Dave enjoy no bake cookies.
Watching the leaves fall.
So many friends continually asking how my brother is doing.
Cold, rainy days.
Watching Everybody Loves Raymond with Dave and hearing him laugh out loud.
Seeing both of my kids last weekend when they were in town for Ali's wedding.
Conflict resolution between kids and praying they'll always be close.
All of the baby pictures on my refrigerator.
Hot baths.
Good coffee.
Candles.
Trying out new recipes.
Hearing the news and excitement that a friend's daughter is finally pregnant.
Holding so many young babies lately.
My ability to do a headstand after being away from yoga for too long.
Playing catch with John.
Finding my sand wedge. :)
That Meghan wanted to work in a visit to go see her uncle last weekend.
The smell of comfort food cooking in the oven.
Celebrating a very special couple's 25th Wedding Anniversary this weekend! (This is huge!!!)

closure

2011-10-17T21:17:00.004-04:00

Let her rest in Peace next to her husband and firstborn.

Alexandra

2011-10-14T16:07:00.002-04:00

I'd by lying if I didn't tell you I'm a little bummed that I'm not going to be attending the wedding of an ex-neice of mine tomorrow. Ali was born a month after Meghan and I remember the day she was born. Bronwyn and I went through our pregnancies together and raised our girls together during those early years. It's times like these when I want to remind the whole world how bad divorce is for families. When they say time heals all wounds, it's just not true. Meghan is in the wedding and I won't be there, but it's probably just as well. I'd be a mess because Ali is going to be the most beautiful bride and Meghan will be standing next to her looking absolutely gorgeous herself.

I will cherish the small windows of opportunity to be with both of my kids this weekend, and I won't take it for granted when I get to be their taxi.

I'm going to be relying on God to give me His Peace and it will be enough. God is SO good! What would I do without Him? I don't even want to think about it! :)
xo

My dream.

2011-10-02T22:49:00.012-04:00

I love that my blog is mine so I can share things many wouldn't dream of telling, like their dreams.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." ~Hebrews 11:1

I had a dream last Wednesday night and I've been reluctant to share it until now (4 days later) in fear you will think I've totally lost my mind. After I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed because I wanted to keep re-playing it in my mind and I didn't want to ever forget. I had to get it out of my head and on paper (so to speak) so I wrote it out in an email to my trusted friend. Later in the day I had to share it with a few people, but it obviously didn't affect them the same way it affected me. (I think they think I'm nuts but didn't want to tell me.)

It. Was. So. Real.

I wrote this to my friend about an hour later.

"I'm at my brother's house. I spent the night here last night. Dave is declining and has been in worse pain (11 on a scale of 1-10). His wife, Pattie wanted me to stay with them so I did. He is on a ton of added liquid morphine and sleeps all the time. He went down so much since I saw him just one week ago. He is so frail. I had the weirdest dream ever just a little while ago. I want to get it down so I don't forget...
I was trying to fall back asleep when they called me out to the living room. I saw him sitting on the couch with tears in his eyes. To my left on the other side of the room was a very bright light shining directly on him. I didn't know where to look (at the light or at Dave). I looked at Dave and all of a sudden in his tears he raised his right arm straight up with his fist up like in victory. He was still in tears. I tried to go over to him to give him a hug but he shook his head and tried to say no, don't come close. Then I saw a floating set of strong muscular arms with a body but no face going near him as to pick him up. Then the floating figure went into the other bedroom for a quick minute to "kiss" something or someone then came across the hallway to my room. I had my face tiled to look straight up at it. It was kind of like a horse. All I could say was "Thank you" in a whisper because I was so honored that it came to visit me when Dave was out in the other room with tears streaming down his cheeks. It stayed near me for longer than the other room. It circled around me for a little bit. Then it started to change it's shape and get kind of scary looking, but I couldn't make it out. Then it disappeared. I heard Dave's (real) voice say, "Good Morning" in the perkiest voice ever! Then I heard him talking to Pattie and she told him I had spent the night. I just laid there running the whole scenario over and over again and it still feels like it was real. When I came out to the living room Pattie told me he got up to go to the bathroom for a second and said "Good Morning" the way he always used to, then went right back to bed, held his stomach and laid back down. Now he is sleeping. I believe it was God who visited us and came to me to personally Bless me. I can't explain it any other way. I haven't shared it with anyone because they might think I'm crazy. Isn't that cool? It was the most real dream I have ever had in my life. What a gift as I sit here with them."

Since then I've thought about it many times. God understands and knows exactly what we are going through and has compassion on us. He is the head-lifter. He is with us on Dave's good days and his not-so-good days. I used to Hope God was real but now I know He is real. I swear. It's okay if you think I'm nuts. :)

A wonderful day!

2011-10-01T23:11:00.002-04:00

Thank you, Sylvia for sending me this song. You have no idea how much this means to me. I really can feel the prayers. I can't explain today any other way than with God's hand on our family.

Today the sun came out for the first time in 4 days. Dave rallied when his boys came to visit him. He even got down on the floor and played with his grandson. We were all able to go outside for awhile and enjoy the nice day. Some may explain it by saying he felt better because of the fluids they gave him at the hospital yesterday, but I believe it was answer to Prayer. Josh and Jackson came along with Randy who hadn't slept since 6:00 yesterday morning. He personally delivered his brand new daughter at his home with his wife early this morning. Apparently the midwife came five minutes after Evelyn Pearl was born. Lizz's mom came to take care of them so Randy could come see his dad. Adam and Molly came too. Naze, Bekka and Jake were there as well as Patricia. Chris came from Wisconsin too. Everyone got to see Dave wide-awake and it was awesome. His pain seemed to be controlled for a little while. :) He even ate a sloppy joe and some chips! That's huge! I was glad Lincoln was able to come up and tell him a few things he had wanted to share. The three of us had a nice little chat. He knows where he is going and he isn't scared. He just feels badly for all of us who are left here. That's so Dave. Still caring more about others than himself.

Thank you God for the wonderful day and for friends who know how to make me feel loved and cared for in the midst of these difficult days.

renewed strength

2011-10-01T11:21:00.002-04:00

"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
~Isaiah 40: 29-31

I'm so thankful for:

A fairly smooth trip to University of Michigan yesterday so Dave could have his procedure to hopefully deaden the nerves leading to his tumor.
A safe trip home in the cold, dark rainy weather.
The piece of chocolate chip cookie he ate on the way home.
That Vernors and Vanilla ice cream sounded good to him (just like Vic!!)
The conversations Pattie and I are having.
Watching Pattie take such wonderful care of my brother.
My husband's compassion and support.
The concern of my children regarding me and their Uncle Dave.
These comfort meals we are having.
That right this minute his pain is a 3 on the scale of 1-10.
That he is able to rest.
That I am not working so I can be here with them.
That Naze is so generous and has this house right next door.
That Naze is a Registered Nurse!
For the prayers, emails, messages and texts from my friends.
For little Evelyn Pearl Karnowski born early this morning. (Dave's newest grand-daughter.)
That I had the best sleep ever last night and that I feel like great today... Joy came in the morning!
That God's Presence is so obvious to me.

I know I could list a million more things, but I better get off of this computer for now.
xoxo

2011-09-29T19:50:00.000-04:00

I remember it wasn't too long ago when Dave posted "Sissy's Song" and dedicated it to all of his sisters and he listed each of our names. I can't listen to it now but I'll listen extra carefully as soon as I can. I'm at his house and he cannot tolerate loud music so it is pretty quiet as we sit here with Pattie. She loves that we are here with her as he sleeps almost all of the time.

This feels way too familiar. It's precious time, but so uncomfortable at the same time and times goes ever so slowly.

I really want to write the dream I had last night, but don't have the energy or focus right now. It's still crystal clear in my head though.

Missing Mom One Year Later...

2011-09-23T00:20:00.003-04:00

Mom

It's with a heavy heart that I gave myself permission to grieve tonight. I will burn a candle for her and start another gratitude list in the morning.

With love,
Annie

2011-09-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

I wish someone could read my mind and find me a song with the words I can't seem to find tonight. Is that asking too much? :)

Our Name "Karnowski"

2011-09-18T20:53:00.004-04:00

I love being a Karnowski.

Patricia * David * Angela * Mary * DeNaze * Christopher

Your Name

You got it from your father,
t'was the best he had to give,
And right gladly he bestowed it
It's yours, the while you live.

You may lose the watch he gave you
and another you may claim,
But remember, when you're tempted,
to be careful of his name.

It was fair the day you got it,
and a worthy name to bear,
When he took it from his father
there was no dishonor there.

Through the years he proudly wore it,
to his father he was true,
And that name was clean and spotless
when he passed it on to you.

Oh there's much that he has given
that he values not at all,
He has watched you break your playthings
in the days when you were small.

You have lost the knife he gave you
and you've scattered many a game,
But you'll never hurt your father
if you're careful with his name.

It is yours to wear forever,
yours to wear the while you live,
Yours, perhaps some distant morn,
another boy to give.

And you'll smile as did your father,
with a smile that all can share,
If a clean name and a good name
you are giving him to wear.

- Edgar A. Guest

On being intentional

2011-09-13T17:57:00.002-04:00

A letter from the "Provider of tents."

2011-09-12T09:30:00.005-04:00

O MR. TENTMAKER

It was nice living in this tent when it was strong and secure and the sun was shining and the air was warm.

Mr.Tentmaker, it's scary now.

You see, my tent is acting like it is not going to hold together. The poles seem weak and they shift with the wind. A couple of stakes have wiggled loose from the sand; and worst of all, the canvas has a rip. It no longer protects me from beating rain or stinging fly.

It's scary in here, Mr. Tentmaker.

Last week I went to the repair shop and some repairman tried to patch the rip in my canvas. It didn't help much, though, because the patch pulled away from the edges and now the tear is worse.

What troubled me most, Mr. Tentmaker, is that the repairman didn't even seem to notice that I was still in the tent. He just worked on the canvas while I was inside. I cried out once, but no one heard me.

I guess my first real question is: Why did you give me such a flimsy tent? I can see by looking around the campground that some of the tents are much stronger and more stable than mine. Why, Mr. Tentmaker, did you pick a tent of such poor quality for me? And even more important, what do you intend to do about it?

* * * * *

O little tent dweller, as the Creator and Provider of tents, I know all about you and your tent, and I love you both.

I made a tent for myself once, and lived in it on your campground. My tent was vulnerable, too, and some vicious attackers ripped it to pieces while I was still in it.

It was a terrible experience, but you will be glad to know they couldn't hurt me. In fact, the whole occurrence was a tremendous advantage because it is this very victory over my enemy that frees me to be a present help to you.

O little tent dweller, I am now prepared to come and live in your tent with you, if you'll invite me. You'll learn as we dwell together that real security comes from my being in your tent with you. When the storms come, you can huddle in my arms and I'll hold you. When the canvas rips, we'll go to the repair shop together.

Some day, little tent dweller, some day your tent is going to collapse. You see, I've designed it only for temporary use. But when it does, you and I are going to leave together. I promise not to leave before you do. And then, free of all that would hinder or restrict, we will move to our permanent home and together forever, we will rejoice and be glad..
~Anonymous

Thank you, Lord for bringing this poem to my attention this morning. Once again, Your timing is perfect.

((HUGS))

2011-09-08T14:38:00.011-04:00

God's beautiful artwork.

Group Hug ... Annie, Naze, Dave & Patricia

Dave, Pattie, Joe, Naze, Bekka, Jake & Patricia watching the rainbow.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." ~Phil 4:8

I'm learning to appreciate God's beauty more and more each day. We saw a full rainbow above my sister's home last night. None of us know what the future holds and we wish things were different but for today... I'm Praising Him for this beautiful show. I'm thankful that Ibuprofen helped my brother, Dave have a good day for Naze's birthday celebration and I'm grateful that I own a nice camera to snap a few of these precious memories.

*pretending to be a photographer

2011-09-05T14:45:00.002-04:00

I picked these raspberries. First attempt at jam. Thumbs up!

I love this one.

Lincoln's favorite.

Cool, eh? :)

Lincoln took this one (obviously). Notice how nice and straight it is.

The perfectionist in me is very bothered that this isn't straight. Ugh!!!

Lincoln took this one and I'm super jealous it wasn't my idea. I'm so competitive!

My favorite (My screen saver right now.)

Passion for Glory

2011-09-05T11:01:00.007-04:00

I don't even like boxing, but watching my brother suffer with cancer is starting to make me MAD! He doesn't deserve to be in this kind of pain 24/7. It's hard to just sit here doing nothing. I'm thankful that I know the way the story ends, but it's so hard to watch.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". ~2 Timothy 4:7

Lord, I know that I know that I know You are in the midst of this fight. Keep our eyes focused on You. Please remind him that You suffered too and that it is all worth it in the end. You are with him as he carries his cross. Teach me how to carry his burden and give him comfort. Hold him close and help us keep the faith when we feel helpless.

By faith,
Angie

All things...

2011-09-02T09:02:00.005-04:00

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor 13:7)

This morning I was reminded of a portion of His Word that I was privileged to read at my sister's funeral. I will never forget that day at St. John's Catholic Church where you could hear a pin drop. She planned her own funeral during those months before she died. We never talked about it. I can still see her unique left-handed writing where she wrote it all out. She was a list maker. I may just take a risk and have a conversation with someone else I dearly love.

Thank You, Holy Spirit for gently whispering these Words in my ears today.

In His Love & By Faith...
Angie

2011-08-31T10:41:00.002-04:00

Mr. & Mrs. David Karnowski

2011-08-30T23:04:00.000-04:00

Claiming God in this battle.

2011-08-21T11:14:00.001-04:00

Why don't I see more of God's promises (And the fruit of the Spirit- Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Self-Control) fulfilled in my life? Because I've been like the Israelites in the wilderness not able to get to my Promised Land because of my lack of belief.

Five years ago I won a trip to South Africa. I was looking through some pictures this morning and came across some of a lion eating a water buffalo. They are pretty gross. Sorry if the pictures offend you. We returned the following day and saw nothing but the carcass that was left behind. It had been eaten alive by the lion and cleaned by the vulchers within a few hours.

It was no accident that I went upstairs and dusted off an old book I had read and studied years ago. God knows I need to get back to the basics and Believe Him. Believing God is the book that inspired me to name my blog it's name--By faith... Angbaylis. I had finished my very first Bible study and it was life-changing. I knew that I had already believed in God, but I sure wasn't living my life day to day Believing Him and His promises as His Word teaches. I am reminded today that I need more to get through this life that's ahead of me. There are challenges before me that need nothing but Faith to get through. I know I am more than a conquerer with Christ as my center. Satan would like to get ahold of me and eat me alive and leave me for dead in the wilderness. I sure don't want to die that way as Hebrews chapter 3 explains because I don't Believe.

I hope you'll join me in this battle. Satan is trying to steal Joy and ruin the lives of too many people I love.

Trusting God with my whole heart,

By faith... Angbaylis

A lesson for Katie

2011-08-17T09:41:00.008-04:00

Last night I had dinner with some of my family who was in town from North Carolina. I was sitting next to my niece who is 14 years old and is about to start high school this Fall. She was telling me about accepting Jesus in her heart while she was at camp this Summer. She proceeded to tell me about this friend of hers who stole all of her favorite clothes while she was there. Apparently she keeps "forgetting" to return them. As we were all discussing the story I immediately felt sorry for her friend because she felt the need to steal from her friend. I also shared my own story about something I stole from someone many, many years ago that I still regret. I wanted to learn more about this friend. It sounds like her home-life is not the greatest. The responses at the table were interesting. Everyone was mad. I tried to think of ways she could be assertive to get the clothes back, trying to teach her to stand up for herself! The more I thought about it later, the more mad I got. I wasn't upset with Katie's friend, but at satan. He immediately stole the Joy from her. He also stole the Joy from her extended family who was shocked that this happened at a "church" camp. Satan didn't waste any time. We should have been talking about the Joy she received from Jesus, a gift nobody can ever take from her.

I failed my niece by giving her wrong advice to help her get her clothes back. She is at the age where style, self-image and insecurity is huge.

I failed Him by not sharing these Words instead...

Love for Enemies

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:27-36)

If you wouldn't mind, please pray for this little girl who I have never laid eyes on. Oh, and Satan, get the you know what away from me and my loved-ones!

2011-08-17T07:54:00.001-04:00

"How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”

Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength". (Daniel 10:17-18)

I'm grateful for friends who remind me to...

Just Breathe

Close Friends & Family Are Forever

2011-08-15T19:00:00.014-04:00

I've been searching for a verse to give me comfort at 3:00 in the morning. When I was flipping through my Bible, I noticed either so much Desperation or so much Praising. I'm looking for something in-between. I don't feel desperate because I do trust His plan, but I'm having a hard time with passionate Praise.

I had a dream last night that my favorite Bible author and speaker (All right, I'll come clean since you probably already know who I'm talking about- Beth Moore.) just happened to be at my brother's house with our family. I was so excited to ask her to pray over Dave... and the rest of us. I don't want to scare anyone (especially my brother) by sounding too "religious" or by being too "cool" and totally discounting God's presence in this whole thing. Since she is so authentic, real, cool and down-to-earth while still being Godly, she was the perfect person (in my fantasy) to ask. Plus, I'm just positive he would like her if he gave her a chance. Anyway, in my dream she insisted that I pray and she would listen and pray with us. I did my usual ugly prayer (even though I was nervous as all get out because I wanted to impress her with my eloquent prayer) and it was raw and messy to say the least. Afterwards, she just walked away and disappeared to get back to her life like everyone does.

So often I wish there was somebody from the outside who appears out of nowhere, to walk in to take over and do the hard thing so I don't have to. Maybe God was telling me he wants me to be the in-between person (not too "cool" or too "religious" ) and just give my brother the gift of quiet Presence and do all I can do which is pray for him and listen if he wants to talk. It feels like such a small way to show my love, but it's all I know to do.

All this to say, here's the verse I plan to meditate on day... and night:

"All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, ..." (Job 42:11)

Thank You, God for never leaving or forsaking us and for Your Holy Spirit.
Your daughter,

It's a choice.

2011-08-03T11:43:00.011-04:00

"Sometimes you have to Praise first and feel it later." ~Beth Moore

It's extremely difficult to Thank God when someone so dear to you is suffering. I have to do something with this heaviness so I thought I better start writing a list.

Dear Dave,

In case I never told you, I wanted to say:

Thank you...

For being such a loving, thoughtful brother.
For scrubbing the dishes with such enthusiasm when we were kids, without complaining when Chris made up every excuse to get out of helping.
For sitting next to Connie and Chris at your kids' sporting events, and for showing me what it looks like to forgive an ex-spouse in its truest meaning.
For teaching me wrestling moves and for making me so proud when I watched you.
For taking the blame in the "cutting of the yarn" incident when we were kids.
For teaching me how to cut grass diagonally and for your all around work ethic.
For acting like we gave you a million dollars when you took the junker BMW off of our hands.
For being such a great hands on Dad and Grandfather. You inspire me.
For being so good with Mom after Dad died.
For all you did with the boat store. (I can't believe it's just another thing on the list. It's huge!)
For enjoying all of those no bake cookies with us.
For storing all of mom and dad's stuff we couldn't get rid of.
For being so supportive and for coming to so many of John's lacrosse games at MSU.
For being Dad to Rebekkah.
For caring more about others than yourself.
And for so much more...

Dear God,

I'm thankful to You for giving me my brother, Dave. He has a heart like Yours. Please help him forgive himself for anything he did with his life that could have contributed to this awful thing called cancer. Help him understand that he does not deserve this and that you don't punish. Help him feel Your arms wrapped so tightly around him that there is no space for negativity. Please give him comfort so he can enjoy this time with his family. Thank you for sending so many generous people that have stepped up to support and pray for him and our family. Thank you for not taking him in a car accident so we can cherish this time together. Keep us all safe as we are a little distracted these days. Thank you for giving me the courage to not worry about what others think, by allowing me to write this so they might be reminded to give You Thanks in the midst of all of the chaos and confusion.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

Help us to continue to see how Great You are!

In Jesus' name,
Amen

2011-08-02T22:38:00.001-04:00

What is God doing in my life today?

2011-07-31T21:23:00.004-04:00

He is teaching me that life on earth is short.
He is asking me to mentor others in areas I am struggling.
He is teaching me compassion.
He is teaching me that family is not to be taken for granted.
He is showering me with love from friends who can laugh and cry with me.
He is teaching me that I have no other choice but to forgive today because tomorrow may be too late.
That my bucket list has everything to do with time spent with loved ones and nothing to do with of stuff or trips.
He is showing me that only He can heal and it's out of my control.
He is reminding me that He counts big huge tears and that regrets are a waste of time.
He is teaching me to take life one day at a time.

He's so very young...

2011-07-30T13:12:00.009-04:00

Dave and Vic.

I'll never forget growing up and how our family would draw names for Christmas. One year I drew Dave's name and bought him an album by Cat Stevens. He played this one over and over again for about a month before Christmas.

Yesterday it was confirmed that Dave definitely has stage four pancreatic cancer that has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. It was extremely difficult to talk with him on the phone. I was searching for the right words but came up short. I wanted to tell him that God isn't surprised by the news, but didn't want to upset him. In the last week his life has turned upside down. This next Friday he will meet with doctors to plan the next step. I just want him out of pain. It's constant 24/7 but they gave him some stronger pain medications so hopefully he can get a little rest. It kills me to know there isn't a darn thing I can do about it.

During our conversation he told me he was more worried about his kids than himself. That's just the kind of person he is and has always been. I'm looking for something to be grateful for so right now I'm grateful for our big family and the bond we share that is so strong. I'm also glad Mom isn't here. I can't imagine how she would handle it.

My brother, David

2011-07-28T08:54:00.010-04:00

Dave is the handsome guy in black.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

Please pray for my brother Dave, who found out he has "masses" on his pancreas and liver yesterday. He is in excruciating pain (has been for 3 months) and cannot eat or sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. He cannot take Ibuprofen until after he has his biopsy on Friday and it's the only thing that has been working to take the edge off the constant pain for a little while. He was almost relieved that they know why he has lost so much weight and that it wasn't just acid reflux like the doctors thought.

I asked him what I can do for him and of course, all he said he needed was prayers. He said that he doesn't even know how to pray. He is grateful that he has insurance. I'm hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit teaches him how to pray... For His Will to be done.

Lord, Please do what only You can do. I love my brother who has a heart of gold.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

2011-07-23T00:10:00.000-04:00

Have you come to the Red sea in your life,
where in spite of all you can do,
There is no way out, there is no way back,
There is no other way but through?
Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, "Go on."
In the morning watch, 'neath the lifted cloud
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed,
You shall no more be afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.

-Annie Johnson Flint

Angie's Temporary Dental Hygiene Service

2011-07-11T10:50:00.002-04:00

feeling the heat

2011-06-26T23:58:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I think I can do it on my own, but He keeps giving me reasons to need Him. I'm grateful for those times when He makes me desperate for Him. I'm totally convinced He is the only way. Life only works when He's my center.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10)

The Holy Spirit is awesome.
xoxo

Early 10 yr. Anniversary weekend in Pictures

2011-06-19T19:07:00.004-04:00

View from our room... Chateau Chantal Winery Traverse City, Michigan

Grape Vines

Grapes & Cherries

Beautiful view

Love this blogworthy picture!

Lighthouse on Mackinac Island

Biking

Biking with flip flops

10 years... 10 rocks

Lilac Festival on Mackinac Island

Full Bloom

Lincoln & Lilacs

Kites above Hotel Iroquois

with help from 17

2011-06-14T14:38:00.011-04:00

*Long post but worth the read.*

I really can't believe this is my 800th post. What on earth did I have to say 799 times before this one? I was the shy one in my family!

I'm going to do something a little different today. I'm letting my friends write this post. The other day I consulted the most Godly women (and one man) I know about an important issue and they immediately responded. I'm posting the email I sent them, along with their responses (anonymously). I am touched by their caring concern. I agree with most of their viewpoints, but not all of them. Thank you for writing this one, my friends. You are such a gift to me.

"These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children," (Titus 2:4)

"Someone very special in my life is getting married soon. She is a new believer and called me yesterday to ask some questions that I was having a difficult time answering. If you have a second, can you please send me a quick response? Not a big deal, but just whatever comes to your mind. She is having trouble with the whole "wives submit to your husbands" part of the Bible and is concerned (She also wonders why the Bible was written by men instead of women). She needs a better understanding and wants a healthy marriage more than anything. Her model of marriage was not the best, so she is searching. I want God to show off big-time and I'm not exactly sure why He asked me of all people to answer her questions. I told her I was going to do some homework and get back with her. Can you please help? What is your understanding of the word, "submission"? I totally believe it is God's plan for wives to submit to their husbands and for them to be the head of the house, but I just don't know how to explain it well.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Angie"

1). “ I am quite an opinionated and vocal person and have always been so in my marriage. I always give my opinions, I always say what I think should be done...and I always listen to what D. has to say. If I am not in agreement with it, I tell him why I feel that way. But, if we do not come to an agreement...HE makes the decision....and I follow his lead, and we do what he decides. D. knows that i have a need to be heard. And, he gives me a chance to say how I feel. And, he listens to my ideas. There are often times when he says you need to decide this, I don't know enough to make a decision. So, I guess what I am trying to convey is that 'submission' does not mean zipping your lips and never having an opinion or idea again. It means that my thoughts are as important as his...but, when we can't decide...he makes the call. I don't always like it...but, I figure God is smarter than I am. I think it is important to have a voice and to be heard. After all, God made us women smart and intuitive about many things that men just don't get. A wise husband will always listen to his wife before he makes a difficult decision. I hope this is an answer that will be helpful. I do not think that it means I am supposed to be a little mouse and never open my mouth. That would kill me! :-) “

2). “Thank you, A. for the opportunity. I can only offer my insight though. I suggest she dig deep into the Word and let the Holy Spirit (The Helper that God gives all believers) bring her to Understanding. God's marriage and her known model of marriage are nothing alike. Christ is the method model to His Bride. The Marital Covenant starts with men loving their wives like Christ loved the Church. Serving, (even to the death of themselves), Guiding, Protecting, Providing. Assuming all the burdens of the Household. God wants wives to submit to the Authority HE has given men, freeing wives of any of the above concerns, knowing HE has provided (and will provide) wisdom and understanding of what is needed to fill the roll. If the husband does all that he has been commanded in their marriage, her submitting to his prayerfully considered advise, then the Blessings will flow like a two way street, as each lift the other up in prayer and deeds. HIS way is perfect. Marriage needs the husband, the wife, and God. As the Bible says, a three stranded rope is not easily broken. She is really submitting to God, not her husband.”

3). “I have a book I would love to drop off. I have done it in Bible Studies with women on 5 different occasions and my current group of women is suggesting we do it again. It was even life changing for women who had been married for almost 20 years. :) Chapter 6 is titled "A Heart That Submits". In quick summary, though, "the word submission (hupotasso) is primarily a military term meaning to rank oneself under someone else. This heart attitude is lived out by subjection and obedience, by leaving things to the judgment of another person and yielding or deferring to the opinion or authority of someone else." A Woman After God's Own Heart, Elizabeth George, pg. 65. About 16 years ago, when I was in my first Bible study, my teacher said it would be the most freeing thing, to submit to my husband. While I am free to give my opinion, and share concerns, by leaving the decision up to him, it releases me from the burden of responsibility. He is the one who is accountable to God for the decisions he makes that affect me and our family. (Some are good decisions with good consequences and some are poor with hard consequences) I am responsible for my obedience to God by submitting to my husband (unless he is asking me to do something immoral or illegal). It's not always easy!”

4). “Thats a tough one for me, because I always struggled with that. How do you submit with out losing your identity. But as I have grown older, I realized submission was more of a respect for the husband, if they feel your respect then they want to take care of you, watch over you, and protect you. From a non religious stand point it is important for their own well being and significance. I don’t have any biblical backing for you. good luck with this one.”

5). “This is always one of those hard questions! Why did God use those words? I think of it like this....
"Submit" and "love" are like the two sides of a coin. The Bible says "wives submit to your husbands" and "husbands love your wives." We are created as equals and as partners, I believe. That means thinking and praying together, talking and making decisions together with full consideration of the other spouse. Submission and love are meant to create order in the relationship and family.   I think maybe these words are chosen because they represent the hardest part for each to give...submitting so that the husband feels the respect he needs and love so that the wife feels what she needs the most. Perhaps a difference in the design of the sexes, but it seems women crave love most and men crave respect (& see it as her love)......though both the wife and husband need both love and respect, of course. Perhaps for women, respect comes harder than love to give and for men love is the harder thing. (God knows us and knows what we need to hear in his word!) Submission is not at all about being a second class citizen to our husbands, but a special consideration for him that God designed. I think it even gives freedom for the husband to love her more (as God intends), when she is free to respect and submit to him. I hope this helps some....
You are hearing from one who didn't get this either and left "obey" out of our marriage vows...but that was before I learned that the french & Latin (I think) meaning of obey was "to listen attentively to the one who loves you the most". Thinking of it now it that way...maybe I wouldn't have been so afraid!”

6). “I guess I don't take the Bible literally. When the Bible was written it was the culture at that time for women to be submissive. As we know, women were not as respected as they are today. I would suggest that she and her husband come up with an understanding that they both agree on. That's my 2 cents for what is worth.”

7). “I have always thought about this part of the Bible as meaning that we are to have the utmost respect for our husbands. We know that respect is what husbands really require. I also believe that submission goes beyond this though. When you have two people that are tied together through marriage they are one. Becoming one in a marriage can be tricky. When a disagreement about something takes place in a marriage and there seems to be no agreeing on it, I believe, this is where the real submission/respect comes in. We have to be willing to trust our husband to make the right decision for our family. (He may make a mistake but that is part of life). In Ephesians 5: 21-33 it explains submission. Make sure she reads that. In v. 21 you will notice that it says submit to one another. So, it really doesn't just go one way. That's why I like to think of this as more respect than "submission". I think we all just get stuck on that word. Our husband's job is to look after us, take care of us and treat us as Christ does with his church. When worded that way, I think it sounds very positive, not negative at all. I realize when people say we are to submit to our husbands it doesn't seem fair but think of it like this. When you work at a company everyone wants what is best for the company. They want it to do well, make money and reach it's full potential. What happens though, if management has a disagreement about how to achieve this? They all have the company's best interest at heart but someone will ultimately have to make the final decision on how to go about doing this. That is why there is a president, or a CEO or whatever who gets the final say. In marriage, this is the husband. No matter how much we may not like to hear it, that's the way it is. God didn't put this verse in the Bible to upset the women or to make man her slave but to protect her. He is commanded to love her, and if he loves her he is not going to make her do anything that would degrade her or hurt her.”

8). “Another point to make in L and my 41 years of marriage there have been times L. has asked something of me that I definitely did not agree with. I calmly voice my opinion and let him consider my thoughts. Even then there are times he still does not agree with me but recognizing that whatever he is asking me is ethical and definitely not putting my life in danger even though I don't agree I submit to his wishes. It is amazing how sometimes I can think he is so wrong and over a period of time realize how correct he was. L. and I certainly are a LONG way from having it all together but I just want to say how amazed I am at God and how he brought L. and I together for God’s Glory and not our personal glory and yet we still receive rich blessings from being obedient to our heavenly father in spite of our selves. God’s Grace Mercy and Peace is more than abundant in our lives. Hope this helps in some way.”

9). “Gee, I heard this beautifully explained in a sermon several years ago and it was an ah ha sermon !!! I finally got it ...   BUT , I guess I really didn't get it because I can't put it into words for you and can't remember it !!!   It was all basically about a husband loving his wife like Christ loved the church   --   Christ loved the church so much that he would do anything for it ----- as a husband who loves his wife would do anything for her---- and a wife "loving her husband would do anything for the husband as Christ submitted and would do anything for the church ....   It was something like that , except it was so well put, and so easy to see the way it was explained!!!!!   Sorry , I don't have that sermon to pass on ... I'm not good explaining it ....   Ha Ha --- I hope your friend is very happy in her marriage ----- If you get a God -loving man then you are blessed!”

10). “Remember that submission means... Supporting the mission. Someone needs to lead and someone needs to support that leader. If God says that the man is the leader of his family, than he needs his wife to support the mission. Also remember that submitting to someone in the leadership role is called being a united team!! It makes the couple stronger!! It is supporting the head - that's a neck and not the tail!!:-) My take on supporting my husband!!”

11). “It is true a wife should be submissive to her husband. (eph 5:22) It is a sign of respect, and honor to him, which by the way guys love! With that said, if you read on, eph 5:25) a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Which means he would give his life for her. He would move heaven and earth for her. Many women struggle with this concept of being submissive. Submissive does not mean we have to be a door mat he must treat you with honor and respect too. God made Eve from Adams rib so we could walk side by side not from his foot to be walked on. Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. Hope this helps, love you!”

12). “I really have no input. If you hear something worth passing along, please let me know, now I am curious myself.”

13). “Let's see about our submission versus control conversation.
What I remember:
1 Her fear of control may stem from her father and her relationship more
than her current with her boyfriend.
2. When men love their wives as God loves the church, there is a
protection that the woman has in submitting under the umbrella of his
authority.
3. Sometimes the control thing attracts guys who like to dominate who
aren't trying to be Christians. They love to flaunt it in the woman's face
that they're supposed to be in charge, but they are not loving well.’

14). We had that scripture in our tuesday morning study. Greek women lived a very isolated life, not allowed speak in public, segregated from men in worship. Think it means to submit to God, honor Him, and your spouse.

15). “The bottom line is this -

The “we” factor vs the “me” factor.
This is a TRUE union by God’s design by HIS covenant oath. (Gen 2:21-25) What the world has to offer is a contract and a promise. The oath is the spoken word that we have a responsibility to take very seriously.

I believe God created marriage partly because He knew we couldn’t possibly keep giving to ALL people the way He does so he gives us just one special person to lavish our love on in complete oneness. It’s not hard to do if we come from a place of understanding that just as you continue to respond to your own hunger and feed your body, you think the same way about your spouse. Not holding back any nourishment that could promote the health of your ONE self. If your spouse truly is yours by God, then you cannot ever think of that person as separate from you. Every thought, every action, every decision must be in complete consideration of your spouse as part of yourself. You have the great privilege of caring for another human being in a way that glorifies God and his design for marriage. Leave and cleave. Become one in ALL that you do.

When you fight or argue, it is like an injury or illness to your body. Would you simply get mad at your body and say, “I’m not to blame here! I’m not changing. This is your problem!” Of course not! You will do whatever it takes to heal fully and completely. You would take the time and make it a priority to find out what is wrong with “your body” and then dedicate whatever means necessary to be fully restored to health. I believe THAT is how marriage should be. If there are repeated wounds without proper healing, “your body” won’t survive. Nourish and feed your body for optimum health and when the struggles come, “your body” will be in the best possible shape to handle those challenges. The woman is the heart and the man is the head. I believe God created the “head” (man) to lead and make the decisions and the “heart” (woman) to be the life-center of the home. The head is not as effective as the heart and the heart is not as effective as the head. Both are equally important to the “we” and equally dependent upon each other for survival. Be what God created you to be and honor God ABOVE your spouse. He knows what He is doing! Continue to give as Christ gives to all...endlessly. “More need, more feed.” You know how to take care of yourself and your individual body; you don’t even have to think about it most of the time. It comes naturally. Now it’s time to make your life with your spouse inseparable in thought and action so that you can nourish each other...in sickness and in health, til death do you part.”

16). "in a nutshell - i love to look at Adam and Eve before the fall and see this beautiful communion with God that they both enjoyed and the ulitmate picture of a true bride groom relationship being so unique and special and equal because of the two unique places for a man and woman. There could and should be such a potential for equal strength on both parts and how like lots of things after the "fall" have gotten distorted and exagerated - better to keep looking at how Christ loves the church and how He came as one that serves - that is a direct picture of what the Man is to the wife and the wife's picture is us to Christ - It is so mutual and full but ironically it starts with Christ, there fore you could argue that serving and love starts with the husband - Dont think ive ever said that part before so dont quote me yet...:) but really there are so many places Christ gives us a better picture of the marriage relationship so it's best not to get too caught up in that one verse...
I am not being very practical with my answer - and ultimately this takes years of gaining respect and honor for each other so not something you just do after your wedding day but certainly something that is possible and something we are all longing for, and especially I think God is longing to show us....I'm sure K. might say that early on, we agreed that the buck might stop with him but there was always an effort to work through things together, and as the years went by there is truly a partnership where he is longing for my input and visa versa because of the mutual respect for each other's opinions. - There were occasions where I actually might get lazy and force him to make some big decisions - he didn't let me get away with that and always forced me to engage so that he wasn't left to out to dry if things failed - visa versa - he always says now that he is glad i was so demanding in certain areas and "strongly" encouraged him to engage with the kids at night and on the weekends - He always said I made him give them their baths at night - Doesn't regret it now....He has a great relationship with each of them...:)"

17).  "I don't blame you for calling in the troops. It is a very tough concept and so anti-society. Shortly after I received this I was in the car listening to Christian radio, and they were discussing this. They mentioned submitting as long as it wasn't contrary to God's
Word. It's a response more than a role. Sometimes our attitudes and the way we say things are very negative and high and mighty. Submitting is to help our husbands to be the men God wants them to be. Hope this helps; it challenges me."

If you want to hear some great messages on this subject by Beth Moore, you download them here.

Thank you so much for helping me be a Titus 2:4 kind of woman!

Post #799

2011-06-10T17:10:00.002-04:00

I'm posting this song with my next post in mind... :)

TGIF
Angie

I can sleep well tonight because...

2011-05-31T23:31:00.001-04:00

I was able to be a plain old monkey today and it was just an ugly freckle! :)

I'm very thankful!

What I did on my Summer vacation... Day 1

2011-05-30T09:16:00.004-04:00

It's Memorial Day!

I'm well into my 49th year on this earth and I'm finally becoming wiser to some things. From my earliest memories of being a child I remember feeling disconnected during the Summer, so I am going to take a stand against it this year. I decided I'm going to commit to doing a Bible study I've wanted to do for a long time.

This morning I opened up the study book and started doing my homework. I was immediately frustrated by my lack of ability to "get it." It bothers me when I don't understand a question and have to skip over it. Anyway... when I was about a quarter of the way through it I realized I was trying to answer the questions from 1st Chronicles when they should have come from 2nd Chronicles. It's amazing how much easier it is when you are in the right book!

I just thought about something. There are so many self-help books out there and believe me when I tell you I have purchased many many of them over the years. They have left me confused and have exaggerated my over-analytical brain tendencies. I've come to realize it only makes sense when I'm reading the right book... His Word. My Bible.

The theme of my homework today was PRIDE. Satan is sneaky with this one. What it does is makes me the center of my life where Jesus deserves to be. I'm going to give God the Glory for getting my attention this morning and nudging me to spend this Summer focusing on Him instead of me.

Since I'm done with my homework for Day 1 it's time to go play. The sun is out after many rainy days. What to do? Walk to town for the parade? Golf? Cook-out? Beach? Swim? I can be free to enjoy it now that my priorities are straight!

xoxo

I can do all things

2011-05-27T09:32:00.001-04:00

It's Memorial Day weekend. In Michigan it is the official start of Summer. I'm excited to play golf this year since I got my new clubs! A friend shared this video with me. She is an avid golfer who has had to battle some major health issues this past year, and so have a lot of her golf buddies. When she shared this link with me I couldn't help but think of this Bible verse:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

It really put things in perspective. For me Joy comes in the Summer and I'm looking forward to a great one!

Watch this and be encouraged, especially if you are in a tough season...

Make it a memorable weekend!
Love,
Angie

lilacs

2011-05-21T11:20:00.003-04:00

Since I already put this on facebook and twitter I thought I might as well add it here. Lilacs are my very favorite flower. You should have smelled them on my walk this morning! Michigan has some beautiful Spring flowers.

xoxo

"For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ..." (2 Cor 2:15)

Happy Saturday, friends!

It's time...

2011-05-21T09:47:00.003-04:00

I saw a movie with my sister-in-law last night and it made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt... on so many levels! I could relate more than I'd like to admit. Maybe it's just me, but you should really see Bridesmaids if you haven't already. Parts of it were distasteful but I think you can handle it.

Afterwards I did some major soul-searching. There are some things I need to break free from in my life and to surrender because it's making me a mess. I'm afraid I'm starting to make a total idiot out of myself.

I'm going to start the Bible Study that has been sitting on my shelf upstairs for too long:
Breaking Free. If I didn't already own the study I would love to do it on my iPad.

things I love on vacation

2011-05-17T08:45:00.008-04:00

I love offering to take pictures for other people, especially if they seem too shy to ask. I love to wake up early and sneak out by myself for coffee. I love getting recommendations for restaurants from locals. They never let us down. I love when it's real warm first thing. I love continental breakfasts. I love the freedom of riding a bike, especially the kind that have baskets on the front, no hand brakes and you can ride with flip flops and cut off jeans. Jazz music and white wine by the glass. The smell of the flowers in this garden. I love driving the rental car and being in control. I love freshly squeezed orange juice and the smell of bacon. I love bagels with too much cream cheese. I love taking pictures so I can take home the memories. I love that my husband loves to be around me constantly; When I need my alone time as much as he needs to be with me! God is so funny to bring two totally opposites together. I love my iPad, the internet and a cell phone in my back pocket that sends pictures! I love the sun; only wish it loved me back! More later.

Linc NEEDS me and breakfast is served!

Whispering... "Thank You, God."

His Love is for REAL.

2011-05-13T15:24:00.002-04:00

I can honestly say that I am "in love" with my husband and I love my kids, my family and my friends.

But... the Only Love that never lets me down is God's love and I'm forever indebted to Him.

I love this song. It's my favorite these days. When hear it, I put God's name in where he says...

"When a Woman Loves!"

Have a great weekend, my friends!
I love you for real!
xoxo

It Stinks

2011-05-11T21:53:00.000-04:00

Well, almost a week after my hearing I still can't believe how naive I am at my age. I seriously didn't think people could lie under oath. I thought they would get zapped like a dog crossing their electric fence. The other day somebody told me that everybody does it. I was shocked! That doesn't make it right. At the very least I thought (or wished) their noses would grow when they didn't tell the truth.

I also can't wrap my mind around the fact that someone (very important) left her cell phone turned on during the whole thing.

I shouldn't be surprised by what a woman will do to get the approval of a man, especially when it's her boss. I find it very sad. I wouldn't have wanted to be in her shoes last Friday and I really wouldn't want to be in hers today... or on the day I receive my decision. I don't mean to sound so vague, but I think it's best that way.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Gal 1:10)

Lord, please help me to take the log out of my own eye so I will stop focusing on others. And please forgive those who hopefully don't know what they do.

shaking like a leaf

2011-05-05T14:48:00.002-04:00

Thank you, Annette for sharing this song with me. It is perfect!

a good Word... "unswervingly"

2011-05-01T22:08:00.011-04:00

Christian and Aunt Annie

I will be meditating on this verse these next few days and nights as I have a few things on my mind. Some questions will finally be answered by the end of this week.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Unswervingly." I love that word. When my nephew and his son, Christian and I went to Jeepers this past weekend, they played a motorcycle race video game. Christian (5 years old) could hardly reach the throttle and he was supposed to lean from side to side to stay on track. If he didn't he would swerve and hit the side. He was not strong enough to lean the heavy motorcycle so his dad stood by his side, took control and did the tilting for him. It got me thinking how much help I need to stay on track, especially when life feels heavy. I need to remember that God is faithful to His promises and I must hold "unswervingly" to the hope that only He can give. I don't want to get off track and lose my focus. Everything will work out according to His plan and it is good! It's one of those weeks I'll be taking one day at a time.

So glad I'm not on my own. He'll be with me to fight my fight.

her dream came true

2011-04-29T16:06:00.005-04:00

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed watching the Royal Wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Caimbridge (William and Kate) this morning with Trish, Helen and Kathy. I was the first to arrive at Trish's house at 4:00am and she had been up since 3:00. It was a fairy tale wedding for sure. Every detail that was timed perfectly. Trish lit a candle for William's mother, Diana and it was very touching to see it next to her photograph. We all remember her wedding to Prince Charles back in 1981 and of course we were all up early watching her funeral in 1997 and remember exactly where we were when we heard the tragic news. I will never forget hearing Trish and Hel singing the hymns that were so very familiar to them and we had to stand when they sang to the Queen.

We enjoyed our coffee, scones and mimosas. When my sister asked what my favorite part I couldn't decide. I loved how Catherine's father lead her down the aisle. My favorite dress was the maid of honor, her sister, Pippa Middleton's dress. I loved the trees in Westminster Abbey and of course the beautiful choir. I would be so proud if my son were singing! I loved how the bride and her father went down the aisle first and the wedding party followed behind. The dresses and hats were so elegant. I loved watching Kate kirtsey (no idea how to spell it and can't find it.) to the Queen mum right after the wedding and I also love how she followed her husband's lead by bowing her head when he saluted the flags in the carriage. Most of all it was great to see the couple "in love."

I listened closely when her brother read the reading during the ceremony. I hope they listened as well.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:1-2,9-18 ESV)"

My takeaway from the reading is this: "Outdo one another in showing honor."
Lord, give me the desire to "outdo" my huband in showing him honor. You know how competitive I tend to be, so let me respect him more than he loves me.

There is something about the absolutely beautiful church, seeing everyone dressed up, the guards, the horse and carriages riding through the streets of London and of course the red carpet. I love weddings because they always make me remember my own and in some strange way this morning it felt like I renewed my vows to my husband. Wouldn't you love to feel like you belonged in a royal family? I think if we are honest, we all want it more than anything. I couldn't help imagine that I really am the Bride of the King of Kings and one day our wedding will look a lot like what I experienced this morning... but better!

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
~Dr. Seuss

a standing ovation

2011-04-24T21:41:00.005-04:00

I love having my own space where I can post whatever and whenever I want. Tonight I want to post another song to complete this Easter weekend.

So. Now. What?

It's time to live out what He has done for me.

I'm going to recommit to loving God and His children, going to Him first in Prayer and staying in His Word, therefore trusting His promises. Won't you join me?

My ALL-TIME very favorite song!

2011-04-24T12:20:00.005-04:00

Thank you, Jesus!

That's why I Believe!

Happy Easter!

Update: Our original plan was to go out to a buffet to celebrate, but I wanted to host it instead. My kids weren't able to be with us, but it was so nice to be with the Baylis family! The reason I'm posting this right now is because I'm excited that I really felt more like Mary than Martha today!!! And the house already looks like we didn't even have company. Oh, and the fridge is full of leftovers. I'm off to find some black jelly beans! :)

An Easter Lily

2011-04-23T08:48:00.003-04:00

When I see an Easter Lily I think of my mom. She loved it when my dad bought her one to wear to Mass on Easter Sunday. He was so romantic that way. Whenever I hosted a holiday he would bring me flowers. I don't remember thanking him enough. It wasn't quite the same buying my own yesterday at the grocery store. Oh well, this is a sweet memory!

If your parents are still living, give them an extra big hug this weekend!
xoxo

for the "Joy"

2011-04-22T21:24:00.005-04:00

His Glory Appeared... and we felt His Presence at the Good Friday Service in Fenton.

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)

When considering the Passion I want to get Isaiah 53 from my head to my heart. I love that this side of the cross I don't have to "do" anything to get Him to love me. Works won't get me into Heaven. Anything good I might "do" is only because He already loves me.

Sometimes I need to remind myself.

another royal wedding & some candles & prayers

2011-04-22T00:17:00.010-04:00

Although I didn't know Princess Diana, I felt like I did. Our lives paralleled. My first husband's family (my kids' dad) was from Wales, so The Royal Family was very much a part of our lives. We watched the Queen's Speech every Christmas Day and dinner always revolved around it. At that time it was more important to watch the speech than it was to go to Church on Christmas. It's strange when I think about it today. Prince Charles was almost the same age as my ex-husband and I was close to the same age as Diana. (We had a 13 year age difference.) We had both of our kids at almost the same time and their divorce happened close to the same time as mine for the same reason. My mother-in-law talked about them often. Diana inspired me. If John was a girl we considered naming him/her Diana.

When I got remarried I coincidently chose a dress similar to one I saw when we were at Kensington Palace in 2006. They had Diana's dresses on display. For me it was the highlight of our trip to London.

I'll be praying for her son, William this week as he will surely miss his mother and wish she were there for the biggest day of his life. If you watch the video at the end, it's quite interesting how his father
(Prince Charles) said when the interviewer suggested that they were in love:

"Whatever 'in love' means."

I sure hope he is "in love" with his soon to be wife. I somehow know that's all Diana would want for her son.

He is omnipresent

2011-04-19T08:15:00.005-04:00

God is omnipresent (present everywhere at the same time). He isn't floating up in the clouds somewhere. He came down so we can go up. He became small so we can grasp how BIG He is!

He calls us to swim from the shallow end of the pool to the deep end.
He calls us from crawling to walking to running.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
~Matt 19:26

I'm trusting Him today!
By Faith...
xoxo

"Take it easy, Angie"

2011-04-17T22:22:00.005-04:00

Since I try to be as authentic as possible on here I'm going to be honest. I haven't memorized any of my verses. I should call them something other than Scripture memory verses. They are simply verses that I need at the moment.

I have a brand new Key Word Study Bible that I've had for quite some time. It's barely been cracked opened. And I have never read a Bible with Red Letters. This is really neat. You've probably read them and can't believe I'm making such a big deal about it. Well, I can't tell you how it affected me when I was flipping through it. Those words affected me differently knowing they are the Words of Jesus Himself.

These words popped off the page when I read them:
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." (John 14:1)

I could hear Jesus tell me straight. Do not LET your hearts be troubled. So I have a choice to either trust Him or not? It's up to me to let myself get all worked up about the concerns that are weighing so heavily on my heart. I guess I knew it, but I have a hard time letting go.

Sometimes I get so passionate about what I think God wants that I can't just sit back doing nothing. I don't want my life to change. I hold on to relationships for too long and I'm finally learning that my begging and pleading won't change the outcome. I don't know how to be passive and I'm not convinced God would want me to be anyway. I know He told me not to let my heart be troubled, but to trust in Him and in His plan.

The opposite of "troubled" is calm and easy. I think He wants me to calm down. Sounds easy, right? Yes, if I make the right choice.

I better settle down and let God be God. (Especially this week!)

it's never too late

2011-04-15T09:34:00.023-04:00

My friend and I had our own little Sisterhood thing going last night when we were discussing midlife, our kids, our marriages and the choices we have made. There are so many profound lines in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. We came to the conclusion that when it all comes down to it, we believe we will be asked the most important question at the end of our lives:

Did I love enough?

In the movie, Sandra B. asked her Dad, "Daddy, did you get loved enough?"

He responded, "What's enough?"

Then he asked his daughter, "My question is, did you? ... It's never too late."

Did I love enough?

We both know the goal in life isn't to be happy; It's to learn to love the unloveable. When we are tempted to run away from relationships, wherever we go we will be there. Wherever we go WE will be there. If I asked my husband and/or my kids if they were loved enough I wonder what they would say? I'm not so sure I'd want to hear the answer. At the end of the day, I can't control how well I've been loved (although I don't think we are supposed to be loved enough by anyone here on earth), but I can control how well I love people... especially the unloveable. The only One who will love us "enough" is Jesus. It's the enough that makes us desperate for the only One who is capable.

"The road back is humility."

I pray that if you do not feel like you are being loved enough, you will go to the Only One who can satisfy that need and fill that space in your heart that is meant for God alone. I also pray that we can with God's help... love the unloveable.

Please watch this:

All my love,
Angie

"NO"

2011-04-13T15:11:00.007-04:00

I had a situation happen to me last night that I'm still trying to wrap my mind around. Occasionally I will do a random act of kindness when I'm at the grocery store (not trying to get any credit, just telling you the story). If someone in front or behind me has a small basket of groceries (just a few things) I'll buy their groceries. I just tell the cashier to add it to mine. Well, last night I had a very full basket and the guy behind me had one container of oil for his car. When I mentioned to the cashier that I'd like to buy it for him the guy said, "No!" I said, "Come on. Let me buy it for you. I haven't done anything nice for anyone in a long time." Again he said, "NO" (angrily) and marched off to another aisle.

The more I thought about it, could I have embarrassed him? I didn't mean to make him feel like charity and I wasn't judging him. I just had this urge to do something nice... maybe to make me feel good? Did he think I was flirting with him? I had to walk in front of him to leave the store and I saw him talking to someone he knew. It appeared to be a friendly conversation. I felt my heart beating fast and was scared he was going to find me in the parking lot and yell at me. He didn't and everything was fine, but I'm not quite sure what to do now. Was I wrong to do what I did?

I have to keep myself in check. When I give, do I give to make me feel good or them? Lord, I pray I give for the right reason...

It made me also realize it is a LOT harder to accept Love than it is to give Love.

"We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

you smell so good

2011-04-12T10:01:00.002-04:00

"No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light." (Luke 11:33-36)

Just yesterday I was at the gym and saw a friend of mine. Well, I don't know her real well since we haven't had a lot of deep conversations (maybe we are just acquaintances?), but I could just see sadness when I looked in her eyes. I didn't want to be weird, but I really wanted to ask her where her Joy is and what's wrong? She is one of those girls in the community who are at all of the right parties. She does a lot of charity work, but for whatever reason I don't see a lot of light in her eyes.

I had never thought about how much a small candle can light up a room. I agree that you would never light one and put it under a basket or in the closet. I like mine out in the open so people can see it... especially me. I'm obsessed with candles and I really love the aromatic ones that are gentle and not too overpowering, but have a subtle different smell. One that people would want to smell, not one that people would have a bad reaction to if they are in a room with it for too long.

Lord, please help me to be healthy. Keep me motivated to want to do what is best for my body and soul. Help me to be like an aromatic candle that makes people want what makes me different. Let it start with my eyes. Make them full of Joy and just like Yours that see only the good in people. Please God, give me the courage to reach out to my friend and have a deep conversation about You.

a private concert

2011-04-06T00:33:00.003-04:00

It doesn't get any better than this:

I love having my own private concert. These songs were perfect tonight. I'm praying for some very special people tonight and I dedicate these songs to you.
Love,

2011 Scripture Memory Verse #7

2011-04-04T14:30:00.000-04:00

Thinking about authenticity and motives as I'm a little late again.

2011-04-03T08:11:00.002-04:00

2011-03-24T23:28:00.003-04:00

Humming... "O Holy Night" with a bunch of beautiful Pearls.

thankful for laughter... it's contagious!

2011-03-24T19:56:00.007-04:00

12,910,415 hits...

It's hard to be as mad as a hornet while listening to this baby!

xoxo

anticipation

2011-03-23T18:19:00.002-04:00

341). first breakfast alone w/ my mother-in-law after married to her son for 10 years
342). taking Marie to her eye appointment
343). friends being free to openly ask for prayer
344). God opening a crack in the window letting His light shine on my future
345). thanking Him ahead of time for what He's about to do
346). Faith that if it's not what He wants He has something better in mind

Satan is sneaky

2011-03-22T07:28:00.006-04:00

A weight was taken off my chest and I'm relieved...

I finally realized why I am having so much trouble with my Scripture memory verses. It's because as I try to remember them I get overwhelmed starting with the verses I memorized last time and I can't remember them let alone the new ones. I get discouraged so I give up. A thought came to me this morning (or a gift from The Holy Spirit). Do I really expect to memorize the entire Bible by the end of my life if I were to live long enough? Or even add 24 verses for every year for the rest of my life? WOW... That's expecting a lot out of myself. Satan was pretty sneaky this time. I'm going to refocus starting now, with my verses for this year only.

Six months later...

2011-03-21T10:42:00.003-04:00

Dear Mom,

I started to say that I can't believe it's been six months on Wednesday since you passed away, but I can. Actually it seems like it's been longer. It feels like I haven't seen you in years. If a day goes by when I don't mention you, Lincoln will tell me that I say something that you would say. It's not a negative thing. He loved you and misses you as much as me. I miss your compassion the most. I miss not being able to call to take you to lunch or go for a ride. I miss you asking me about my job and the kids. Whenever you would tell me that parents love their kids more than kids love their parents it made me uncomfortable. Now I realize it was your way of telling me how much you loved us, even if you didn't always know how to show us.

We are still thinking about the cottage on Case's Island. I feel badly that I had an attitude towards you regarding it. You wanted us to have it to enjoy. I'm sorry for making you walk around the island when now I know that you obviously didn't feel up to it. You did it for us. I wish we had it now and that you could spend the Summer out there in the sunroom that you loved.

I'll never forget you, Mom and although I wouldn't wish you back here, it would be nice if I could give you just one more hug. And I want to ask you one more question, "How was it when you met Jesus?"

Love,
Annie

2011-03-20T22:41:00.003-04:00